Can't remember my DW pre-dementia

midge333 · October 2025

I am in stage 8. My DW was diagnosed in 2016 and died in August of this year. Her symptoms started in 2012. I cannot remember what my DW was like pre-dementia. It makes me so sad. I hope those memories will eventually come back…

fmb · October 2025

My husband died January 21, and I am only beginning to remember him as he was before his stroke (June 2023) and earlier. I have an especially hard time remembering his voice when he was healthy. The stroke eventually took away his ability to speak in more than just a whisper. I believe my memories will come back with time.

howhale · November 2025

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74455/cant-remember-my-dw-pre-dementia

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Your path was almost exactly the same timing as my dear wife. She left us in August after being officially diagnosed with MCI about 8+ years ago. I struggle with the same challenge as you, I cannot retain our good memories pre AD. I keep photos of her taken when times were good around to remind me, I look through photos of previous vacations, concerts, etc. to try to keep those good times in my mind but I always drift back to her time in the latter stages of her life. Her horrible struggle is so implanted in my mind that I only hope time will allow it to begin to release me some and I can begin to recall the good times. I hope you too find that comes for you because that is who they were. What we saw and recall now I like to think of as the disease, not my wife. Prayers to you for relief.

midge333 · November 2025

@howhale : It helps to know that I am not alone in experiencing this.

LindaLouise · December 2025

My DH passed in August 2025 after 8 years (and probably more) living with ALZ and I have been struggling with trying to remember him "before" - it really helps to know I am not alone in this struggle. I look at pictures and try to remember when he was "himself" - and come up with a blank. I've been trying to picture him in one of his favorite shirts/sweaters and that has helped a little - I can get a a physical image, but not the essence of who he was. And we were married for 47 years! Talking about him with our kids has helped a little - and I'm hoping that as the trauma from caregiving and watching my DH decline in such a horrific way - as all of that subsides - that maybe the memories will come gradually back. My mom - who is 95 and lost my dad due to dementia 5 years ago - has vivid dreams where she sees and talks to my dad. I kind of hope that I may have a dream or two like that…

jehjeh · December 2025

You're not alone. I lost my DH in July, 2025. I, too, could only remember the hard times at first. But for the past month or so, the happy memories are more prevalent. (Which makes me sad because that's the DH I miss so much. But it's preferable to memories of the tough years at the end)

What helps me is to mention him to others whenever something reminds me of him. Just a quick comment like, "I didn't know you liked that band, they were one of DH's favorites ". That opens the door for them to share good memories of him if they knew him, or ask questions if they didn't. The more I talk about the good times, the better I feel overall. He even appears in some of my dreams now, healthy and happy.

I hope you will soon turn that corner. I can't say it's easy, but it feels like a step forward.

Can't remember my DW pre-dementia

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