A Fall

CindyBum · November 11

Falling has become more of a thing for my poor DW. This last one was my fault…trying to get pants pulled up and down she went. Now at the emergency room as her wrist looked a mess. Damnit.

midge333 · November 11

I am sorry. I hope her arm isn't fractured.

ghphotog · November 11

Falls area so common with dementia. I hate to see people in MC that could walk unassisted but there comes a point that they have to be in a gerri chair with the tray installed to keep them from falling again. I was visiting my dw yesterday when I heard a crash. . . another fall.

CindyBum · November 11

I hear ya, ghphotog. I feel so utterly unequipped for this stage. I wanted so badly to keep her at home until the end, but the falling is something I’m not sure I can handle. Damnit.

Chance Rider · November 11

I’m sorry to hear that she fell. I hope she didn’t break her arm and that she recovers quickly. Be gentle with yourself too.

CindyBum · November 12

Well, that sure was fun. Four hours in the emergency room - 1 waiting fine and getting an xray; 2 hours chasing her inside the hospital with her increasingly agitated (me too); 1 hour chasing her inside and outside until she took off down a dark lane with cars cruising by.

Into our car she went and off back home with no answer on a broken wrist or not. She’s not in serious pain. So, we try again tomorrow.

I feel like I crossed a rubicon this evening. She fights me on everything, I can’’t keep her physically safe and healthy and my own mental health is just down the drain. I hate it, but I have to make my next move in the new year. Sigh. I am a damn wreck.

Goodlife2025 · November 12

Sending you a hug Cindy 🧡 - it is so difficult not being able to plan for the next upcoming behavior change. You are handling your circumstances with grace and love even if it didn't feel like it tonight….

GothicGremlin · November 12

I am SO sorry you're both where you are. My sister was in memory care and it was generally quite good for her, but the falls…… Every time I turned around she would have a fall. At a point we never let her walk unassisted, and eventually we had to put her in a wheelchair. I felt terrible about that, but her safety was the top priority.

So … I know where you are, and it sucks. But you're doing the best you can and that's all you can do. I know you're a wreck, but like @Goodlife2025 said, "you are handling your circumstances with grace and love even if it didn't feel like it."

Karen711 · November 12

Cindy-I’m so sorry you’re at this point! You are an amazing loving and kind caregiver that has been there 200% for your DW. It’s just that you can’t control the universe even though you would if you could. I dread what is coming down the road and don’t know that I can hold up to it as I want to. I heard an interview with Barbara Karnes (End of Life educator and Hospice Innovator) today on How To Care for a Person with Dementia- (highly recommend to all btw.). Many great affirmations for caregivers and what we go through. Made me feel seen. Anyway, near the end she offers this word of encouragement to us as caregivers: PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST. We are all oxygen deprived and we will not make it without figuring out how to get that “dang” oxygen mask on. You are a hero and have done wonderfully with your DW. I know It seems impossible with all that needs to be done, but I hope with some remaining strength I know you have in there somewhere, you will figure out how to put your oxygen mask on…. “to find a lily pad, to rest, and eat a fly.”

Sending a big fat hug!!!💜

Quilting brings calm · November 12

ER visits are a nightmare with PWD. Mom would get so agitated in the waiting area and even worse in what passes for a room. Triage clerks would take pity on me and move her up on the list to get us to the room quicker. I remember her shaking the bed rails and wanting to go home before she’d even seen a doctor.

Since you did get an X-ray done, call your PCP if you have one. Call the ER if you don’t. Surely one of them can look at the X-ray results and tell you what needs done now. You may be able to take her to a walk in clinic or urgent care to get a cast etc.

Vitruvius · November 12

In the early days of my DW’s falling phase she broke her wrist. We were taking a walk, I was right there with her but she had one of those falls where she just crumpled to the ground. Off to the ER then to a orthopedic surgeon for a cast. The doctor said it was minor and that normally they would do some surgery to make sure full wrist functionality returned, but me and the surgeon agreed this was unnecessary, any reduction in dexterity wouldn’t be missed by her.

First make sure you get one of those bags that are specifically designed to protect wrist casts from water. This is where my DW had a problem, she always initially refused to wear the bag. She couldn’t do much about a fixed cast so she just seem to accept it, but drew the line at the bag when it came time to shower. It took a lot of fussing and negotiation to get her to wear the bag for a shower.

After four weeks they took the cast off to x-ray and assess the healing. Then they wanted her to wear one of those wrist supports that you Velcro in place for an additional four weeks. I knew she would try to constantly take that off so I told them to just put another cast back on. It continued to cause the shower issues, but I thought it would be better than constantly trying to get her to put a removable brace back on.

Lots of posts about falling in the last few days. My sympathy to all who are going through this.

Jgirl57 · November 12

So sorry to hear this! Yes, the dressing and wrangling can be a nightmare. Yesterday I started having DH sit on a chair in the bathroom as I dress /undress him. He makes snarky faces but I just avoid eye contact and give short simple instructions. An OT evaluation for dressing /ADLs might help. ( but with dementia everything is iffy) Hug to you and DW.

A Fall

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