Denial

lori1308 · November 12

My dh was diagnosed last year. He is in denial that he has Alzheimer’s or I should say he thinks he is getting better. If you try to talk to him about it he just gets angry and I am a b. Not a nice word. Has anyone had this problem.

Chance Rider · November 12

@lori1308 my husband was just diagnosed this past August and displays the same behaviors you describe.

Your husband likely has Anosognosia, a neurological condition in which a person is unaware of their own physical or mental deficits. This lack of insight means they may not recognize their illness, symptoms, or the social consequences of their condition, often mistakenly believing they are fine. It can be a symptom of various conditions like strokes, Alzheimer's, dementia, or mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (copied from a Google search).

It’s frustrating to say the least but knowing it’s an actual condition of ALZ and not just denial helps me deal with it. I stopped trying to talk with my husband about ALZ to avoid agitating him.

I’m sorry your husband has this wretched disease. These message boards are a great place for information and support.

SDianeL · November 12

welcome. As Chance Rider posted your husband has Anosognosia which means he is incapable of understanding he has dementia. Discussing it with him will only cause him anxiety. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Let him think he will get better. Learn all you can about the disease and caregiving so you can help him. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and then search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. Get your legal affairs in order now. Dont tell him it’s because of his diagnosis. Tell him that both of you are getting them done because you’re getting older. Don’t wait. You will need a DPOA, Medical POA and HIPPA forms. Come here often for info and support.

Colacho10 · November 12

I haven't had that type of problem with my dad, but I've met a family that had. We talked about it in the waiting room. They told me that sometimes the anger is a way of coping with the fear and loss of control, and trying to rationalise or argue about the diagnosis makes the denial worse. Alz affects their reasoning ability.

What seemed to help them most was focusing on emotional support and meeting their reality where it is, rather than confronting the denial directly.

H1235 · November 12

Anosognosia is awful! It’s not just their symptoms they don’t recognize, but their limitations. This leaves the person with dementia angry at restrictions necessary to keep them safe. Trying to reason with him and explain will not work! If he doesn’t believe he has dementia I would recommend you let it go. The same would be true for any other crazy things he might believe ( unless it is harmful to him). Another approach when he wants to argue about something is to change the subject. One more idea is to tell a fib. The car is in for repair (that’s so he can’t drive it). I didn’t know you wanted to change the oil, I’m sorry, I had it done at the shop. It takes a while to get used to this and even then it’s hard to know which approach is best when. It also feels so dishonest and manipulative, but if it keeps the person with dementia from getting upset, I think it worth it. Good luck.

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/295/anosognosia

harshedbuzz · November 12

@lori1308

That's anosognosia not denial. His brain is creating a different reality for him. Dad used to tell me that all the things he'd forgotten "came back" at night while he was sleeping so he's OK now.

It's easier and kinder to validate that reality while doing work-arounds to start taking over things like finances and household decisions.

This early-middle stage can be really challenging as the power dynamic of a couple or parent-child relationship resets itself. For the PWD, this loss of autonomy can lead to depression which in men can look like irritability. Medication might be appropriate.

HB

AColombo · November 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74585/denial

Same experience. My DH has been diagnosed in 2021 and he denied it. last year other tests have confirmed it, but he still says he's not sick, the others, the World is. And he gets upset easily, misunderstanding what I or others say. What helps to avoid these crises is not contradict him.

WIGO23 · November 12

Count me in on this distressing experience. I so wanted my DH to accept his memory loss to ease his confusion when he recognizes he made a mistake caused by it. But time is a good teacher and now I recognize he simply believes he is fine and he must be confused at times. I cannot protect him from it. He cannot live in my reality that he is not and never will be like he was again.

lori1308 · November 12

Thank you all for your insights.

jfkoc · November 12

there is no reason for a discussion!

trottingalong · November 12

I will chime in on this as well. One of the first lessons I learned (and probably the best) was to learn to live in their world. I had to learn to apologize often, even when I did nothing wrong. He reads facial expressions so I work hard on not looking frustrated. I lie. That was the hardest. The word dementia or Alzheimer’s is never mentioned in this home. When we did the POAs I said it was because we were getting older. If he accuses me of something I just say I don’t remember doing that, but I’m sorry. I’ve learned what I can tell him and what I can’t. I still get that wrong some times. I don’t go into long explanations, it frustrates him because he can’t follow. It’s not easy, but once you start realizing you cannot discuss with them what is going on, your life will be better.

Chance Rider · November 12

@trottingalong thank you for this: “If he accuses me of something I just say I don’t remember doing that, but I’m sorry.” I’m going to adopt the same approach/wording as it will ultimately make things easier.

cjens · November 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74585/denial

Yes, my husband says he's on medication to reattach his brain from a concussion he had years ago and he specifically said he does not have Alzheimers. I have no idea where this story came from but hearing that this is just part of his disease does help make it easier. I was thinking it would help him if he understood that it's not his fault that he can't do what he has always been able to and that he can't remember anything. After reading all the responses it seems like it is better to just let him think he will get better.

Denial

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