SAD/Angry/SAD/Guilt/SAD

LJCHR · November 12

I have read this situation here but have never experienced it myself until recently:

My DH is stage 5 VD and some days cannot dress himself. He has a son, daughter and stepdaughter from a previous marriage. The stepdaughter has caused a big riff in the family. She seems to have turned the son and daughter somewhat against me which makes me very sad because we have had a great relationship for 17 years.

Today was devastating to me - his son took him to lunch and the stepdaughter met them at the restaurant. It apparently was planned. He didn't know she was coming (he doesn't want to be around her) and neither did I. I feel they plotted behind my back. Unfortunately, when he told me she was there, I lost it, not at him, but to him and I can't get the guilty feeling to go away. It really upset him and I never intended that to happen. I pray this won't cause him to digress. Why didn't I just take a deep breath?

She sent me a text when he had a UTI last week to thank me for taking care of "her" father, like I was the hired caregiver. His comment was "I'm not her father".

As if we don't have enough on our plates…….

Thank you for letting me vent -

tonyac2 · November 12

My DH has vascular dementia as well. Stage six. He can’t follow a conversation let alone a disagreement. The problem is with the kids not the DH. I made a promise to myself to make each of his days as enjoyable as I can. Forgive yourself and keep moving forward. As you know, this disease doesn’t slow down for anyone. Give yourself some grace, you’re dealing with more than family realizes.

LJCHR · November 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/258292#Comment_258292

Thank you for these kind words of encouragement - I needed them especially today. And I fear Stage six is just around the corner.

SDianeL · November 12

don’t feel guilty. You were human. Your husband probably won’t remember your conversation anyway. I would ignore the step daughter and I would tell the son that you are disappointed that they did that to their Dad and if it happens again you will no longer allow him to take his Dad to lunch or you will have go with them. Explain that it caused his Dad unnecessary anxiety.

WIGO23 · November 12

Forgive yourself! You must focus on all the wonderful care you are providing and not the occasionally perceived mistake.

You are the one stepping up for your LO on a 24/7 basis. You are the one who has that pressure 24/7. If you do misstep, it is only human to do so in this very challenging time.

LJCHR · November 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/258322#Comment_258322

Thank you for your response. You are right in that he has already forgotten it and today has been a good day.

LJCHR · November 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/258338#Comment_258338

You are so right and thank you for your response. Today has been a new day and he has forgotten about the conversation.

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