Hoping I’m doing the best for my dad.

Hello all. I’m a new member here. I’ve been caring for my dad for nearly 15 years now. He went from being my rock to depending on me for everything. I am 1 of 6 living children that my dad has. My mother passed 22 years ago then my eldest brother a year after her. I am the baby of the girls. I have 3 older sisters and 2 brothers one 2 yrs older than I and 1 2 yrs younger. Unfortunately none of them help me out. He got diagnosed 16 yrs ago with early onset dementia. It’s been a rough road. I am now 54 totally disabled according to the state of California due to carpal tunnel syndrome which made its way from my hands to my spine. I’ve had 2 spinal fusion surgeries anterior and posterior. God has a way of making things workout because as soon as I went out of work my dad started showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s dementia. He would try to pay the water and power bills 2 to 3 times a week and I mentioned it to my older sister, seeing if she noticed anything off about him. She lived in his back house with her 5 boys and I bought the house across the street from my parents to keep an eye on them. Let’s call her rose. She said that I was looking for things that were wrong with my father and disregarded my concern but started asking my father for big amounts of money knowing he was having issues. My oldest sis D. Has been battling addiction for too many years so she is no help. My next sis L. Has epilepsy which is causing more and more damage to her brain. She is also the narcissist of the family and all my siblings refuse to talk to her due to her lies that makes everybody’s life difficult. My brother M who is 2 yrs older has his marital issues and is always busy and lil bro T. Has many responsibilities in his life that he’d rather buy my dad stuff than actually sit a visit him. My dad a hernia repair in 2020. Due to his Copd we almost lost him. Thank god we had an excellent doctor that was able to perform a 2 her surgery in 45 min. He had called me because I also am the executor of his trust and also his health directive and let me know that due to his oxygen levels that he couldn’t guarantee that my dad would come out of the anesthesia and that if wanted I could take him home on hospice. His odds were 50/50. I made the decision to go thru the surgery and I am happy I did because he came out health wise good. Unfortunately the toll this hospital stay had on his mental state was the total opposite. Me and my daughter were tag teaming staying my dad in the hospital bcuz he tried to escape every chance he got. We were there for a total of 33 days. He went into the hospital weighing about 140. Came home at 110, using a walker, and on 100% oxygen. I got him better back to walking on his own and no oxygen quickly. Fast forward to April of this year things started to be a little strange. Let me explain. My dad in his mental state would play anywhere for 10-50 games of solitaire on his bed a day. I had started to notice instead of being prompt up on his elbow paying cards he would practically be laying forward on his bed trying to play still. I’d asked him and would not even realize the he was doing it. I’d ask him if he felt alright and same answer “I’m fine.” Then the falling started happening. He’d be messing with the threads on a little hole in his jeans and then bam on the floor. He’d fall forward just sitting there!!! So now it’s Easter morning and I am helping him get dressed and he say, “why am I so dizzy?” I asked him how long he felt this way and he said for days and it wouldn’t stop. So I take him to the er and come to find out on one of his little falls it caused him to have a brain bleed. So much blood had accumulated around his brain that it was causing his brain to tilt. That was causing the dizziness and he needed an emergency craniotomy. So he ended up being in the hospital for about three weeks. After that I wanted to bring him home because that’s what he was bugging me about and the doctor didn’t want to release him because he felt that he needed about another week just as a precaution. To the point where my dad would except to see my daughter, but not me because he felt I was keeping him there, and that it was all my doing and that he was there to begin with. He did not realize the surgery that he needed was not a decision. I had to make it needed to be done so he would fight with the nurses thinking he was at home thinking they were strangers in his house . My daughter talked me into allowing him to stay there in the night by himself because me and her were both spent. The first night is when we had to go back over there because he was fighting the nurses day at a tied down, which I hated to see him tied down. Then my daughter had left for a conference she needed for her graduate degree. I took it upon myself to ask the doctors again if I could bring him home because that’s what he wanted. They said that’s fine and told me I was a sign to look for so that I could know if something was right with the surgery or anything like that so the next morning I was able to bring them home, he was home for about a total of three hours. He had so much anxiety that it wasn’t making his heart going to b fib. We had to call 911 because I could not get his heart rate so down and he is on a DNR so they had told me if that happened just to get him back to the hospital immediately because of his DNR the paramedics would not try to resuscitate him nor the hospital for that matter, in the event, his heart stop. I hated having to take them back because he was so adamant about coming home. I thought I could handle him but unfortunately due to his heart rate portion to go back in the ambulance. They then put him back into the hospital for about a week and a half and then he came home in May 5 I believe it was her know actually was Mother’s Day. Again that hospital stay affected his mental health to the point bedridden when he got home, I would have to change his diapers take them be them everything he had to learn to walk all over again he was on oxygen hundred percent. He’s off now thank God and he does walk around now with no walker , but his mental state has taken a toll for the worst once again. I took him to see his neurologist about three weeks ago to see if there’s any treatments or any medication or back he might be able to go on or off that would improve his mental state. Unfortunately, he advised me that he’s passed any type of treatment that they have for him. he is at the point where it’s the later stages of his illness. It’s crazy because now my father doesn’t remember 510 minutes ago. My siblings and their children have pretty much stayed away since my dad‘s gotten sick. I have excuses saying they don’t want to see him like that. It’s not him anymore. i’ve tried to calmly explain that I hate seeing him like this too but at the same time, it’s not fair that he has none of his kids in his life but me and my kids. I think that’s what’s taking more of a mental toll on me, knowing that I have five other siblings that could be helping me or giving me a break and because they can’t take seeing my dad in this mental state , they can’t help me. My dad feels a lot now I bought him so many fit or choice. I bought him a Rubiks cube. He was stuck on that for about two weeks but now he just came to pick it up. He’s like a child again he loves candy. He loves lollipops. He’d rather eat candy than food. he’s not bedridden. He still gets up to use restroom. He dresses himself but with some help from me button zippers those are really bad on him. It’s very hard for him to deal with any of that. He gets anxiety anytime we go out of this house so it’s pretty much impossible for me to leave unless it’s in the middle of the night when my oldest son would be here and he can listen for him and I can go do the grocery shopping or put gas in the car or whatever else I have to do, it’s been a very challenging journey. These past 15 years again God has a way of making things work out. My dad doesn’t release he sick. I had to diss able his car and buy another car because he would want to takeoff. Anybody need any pointers on that I can give you guys some good pointers on a lot of different things that I’ve gone through over the years with him. Different strategies on how I got him to eat or take a shower. Every case is different I’ve read so many books I’ve watched so many videos on so many different stages of dementia that it will probably shock you. Got diagnosed with this horrible disease. I miss my dad. I miss him so much. he was my rock and now I have to be his. Thank you for letting me vent.