Take a cruise?

M5M · November 20

DH sooo wants to travel still. He is in late stage 5, some into 6. He is continent, unstable but still walking especially with me beside.. He is very opposed to using a wheelchair. He knows me, does not sundown, is compliant. He has limited vision so doesn't wander. I would like to travel, too, and I worry about logistics and falls and everything else. But we could take a 7 day cruise from a port 4 hours driving time. We could have a nice cabin and good food, enjoy a lounge access, and not do much else. We could go the week before Christmas holiday, so any progression of symptoms couldn't get too far along, hopefully!. Am I thinking well enough? We wouldn't have to fly, I would be always with him, we wouldn't even get off the ship since we have been to all the ports. Hoping to hear your thoughts……

terei · November 20

The thing that I would consider is are you going to be willing (and able) to cut the trip short wherever you are? IMO he is not very compliant if he wont use a wheelchair. I would be concerned that he would deteriorate because of the completely unfamiliar surroundings. I could be very very expensive if you have to leave the ship and arrange travel back home.

Have you tried a weekend trip and stay in a hotel for example, to see how he handles it? I think I would do that first + see how he does.

ronda b · November 20

I think I would try a weekend or 3 days closer to home first.

sandwichone123 · November 21

My dh was a little earlier than that, firmly in Stage 5, when we did our last cruise. It had been planned for April 2020 and rescheduled for 2022. He was not able to dine in the main dining rooms—he just didn't have the patience for it, so we only ate at the buffet. He did wander out of our cabin once and get lost, but there was nowhere for him to run into danger, so I found him.

We did do some planned excursions, but not the aimless walking around that we normally would have done. It was just too stressful for him.

I had trusted him to do his own packing. Don't do that. He forget several essentials.

For me, it was more like caregiving than it was like a vacation, but as my friend pointed out, it was more like a vacation than it was like work. :-)

Timmyd · November 21

When was the last time you traveled with DH and what was it like? For us, each trip became increasingly difficult and it became obvious that there would be a last trip in our future. Our last (ever) leisure trip was a cruise. Being able to unpack just once, not worry about driving, finding restaurant, etc was really good. What was not good was the anxiety of being "stuck" on the boat and the density of people (crowds and noise). Whatever was going to happen that week, was going to happen on the boat. That was not always a great feeling. Ultimately it worked. We had been traveling several times a year leading up to that trip so I had a reasonable idea of how it was likely to work out.

SDianeL · November 21

I would also be worried about the 4 hour drive to the port. Many PWDs don’t do well in car rides. What about bathroom breaks? Many PWDs have tried to open the car door while the car is in motion. Can someone go with you to assist?

Biggles · November 21

Your DH sounds somewhat similar to mine, 24/7 work but relatively easy. You have named and ticked off a lot of the difficulties if he’s not hallucinating or seeing apparitions and he’s continent I’d give it a go. You have a 50/50 chance of it being successful. I hate regrets and not giving it a go would be a regret to me. Just work out your Plan B if you have to sit in your cabin all day watching tv together then that’s what you have to do at least you are away from home and someone else is planning and cooking your meals. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment but I also love a challenge. This might be your last chance for some fun together, it will probably be hard work but if you are prepared to try just do it.

M5M · November 21

Thanks to all for your insights you've helped me think better. If I can put the rest together, we just may go. He is familiar with cruise protocols. We can easily sit in our cabin and watch the water. Still a work in process….

jfkoc · November 21

That is not the first trip I would try but as long as you are flexible and can get off of the ship and get home I might try it.

What I would do first is drive to a hotel with a pool and palm trees.

Leesee · November 21

Your description of your DH is very similar to mine. My DH (70 M) and I (64 F) did not get away from the cold weather during winter 25 (we're in Michigan) and I saw significant decrease in his abilities during the dark cold months.

We love cruising, but I was hesitant to be alone with him in an unfamiliar enviornment. We have gone on several vacations in the past 2 years, but I've always had family along to assist.

There was a discussion in this forum about traveling with a PWD and someone mentioned a "Dementia Friendly" cruise through Elite Cruises. I looked it up and thought the cruise we would enjoy the most was too long (12 days) and too expensive (2x the price I usually spend) and decided not to book. After a month or two of thinking, I decided to go ahead and book the February Eastern Caribbean cruise.

I'm living in that place in my head where every opportunity might be the "last time we can do this." I rationalized the cost because I'm retiring in June '26 and we'll be celebrating our 40th anniversary in November '26. A big year with a lot to celebrate 😀

I'm not sure how it will go, but he is looking forward to it (when he remembers 😆).

M5M · November 21

Do come back and let us know how it goes. I read about those cruises but decided against for price and too many days. I am backing away from something before Christmas because too many complications have come up in the past 24 hours. If things are going well, I may consider early next year, but I think the window of opportunity may be closing by then….

Victoriaredux · November 22

I'd make a list of what you could gain and what barriers could exist to YOU being able to relax and enjoy.

Sounds like he expresses he wants to travel - maybe , like Teepa's videos suggest, you could probe " oh yes travel— what do you miss?" Maybe those are things you could create at home - different foods , play a travel video etc. Zoom with a friend he misses.

With him having limited vision and mobility, and you having seen the cruise locations already what would the gains be of going on the trip? If it is a break from cooking — maybe get take outs- delivered from a bunch of restaurants - costs would be less than the actual cruise.

M5M · November 22

good ideas! Thanks

Biggles · November 25

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/258930#Comment_258930

I love your positive attitude and yes it always might be the last time you get that particular opportunity. If you think you can handle it my thoughts are give it a go. Well done.

Take a cruise?

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