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Firegirley
Firegirley Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caring for a Parent
Hi! My mom is 95 and mid stage dementia. I moved her in about 6 mos ago and I am the only sibling left. I was able to get her on hospice for her COPD (also has cancer but they are keeping her on hospice for the COPD) but she is not actively dying. In fact, her dementia is far more difficult than her illnesses. They come 5 days a week for about 30 min to check on her.
That's the only help I get from anywhere. She doesn't qualify for Medicaid and home health care is too much out of pocket.
The municipality I work for does not have FMLA so I'm being forced into an early retirement to care for her.
I'm trying to learn coping strategies and it led me here.
I think the hardest is her direct questions "is Brian still alive? How did he die? We're NOT in Florida right now? Do I still own my house?" Etc. she doesn't remember much from the last 30 years and is starting to forget her grandchildren.
I'm exhausted.

Comments

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 1,355
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 250 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Welcome. You might want to contact your local commission on aging. Your community may have something to offer that is helpful.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,596
    2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions 1,000 Likes 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Welcome to the place for info and support. So sorry about your Mom. We understand what you are going through. Learn all you can about the disease so you can help her. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which will help you care for her. Also search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings. Her short term memory is gone. That’s why she asks the questions. Dementia causes anxiety which makes it worse. What I learned here is that you never argue with someone with dementia, and you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Ditto on contacting your Agency on Agong. They may have resources. You can also call the Alzheimer’s toll free number 800-272-3900 to see if they know of resources in your area.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,988
    Eighth Anniversary 1,500 Insightfuls Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments
    Member

    @Firegirley

    I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.

    Have you discussed Medicaid qualifying with an attorney or are you relying on your own research and word-of-mouth? There may be options available to qualify her by spending down or creating a trust.

    HB

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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