Whyyyy!!!?????

MarDel0917 · December 1

I can't do this. I lost my love Luis (46 yo eoa) just yesterday morning but it feels much longer.

I cried going to bed last night thinking what do I do tomorrow? He won't be in the bedroom when I get up, with his legs up in the fetal position cycling them back and forth.

Who is going to watch me get ready in the morning for work?

Tonight's emotions are someone please wake me up from this nightmare. It's not true he isn't gone! I dont know how to do this part without him. He was always my rock and told me that its going to be okay. That he wasn't scared. But its not okay and I am scared!!!!!

Whyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whyyyy my baby???????? I hate you alzheimerz i hate you so FU****G much!!!!!!! I hate that you took the sweetest man at such a young age!!!! I hate that you robbed me of my life with him the last 3 years!!! You took him from his son!!!! He is only 15. You will never get to watch his games, him graduate, get married!!!! His mom has a piece of you that I will never have.

I understand now how hard it would have been to care for you and a child at the same time but its not fair. We tried so hard for a baby!!!!! Crazy I know but I knew the inevitable was to happen amd I wanted a piece of you for forever!!!! Your ashes won't be enough for me.

I miss you so much it hurts!!!!

We are all in this together 💜

cdgbdr · December 1

I am so very sorry. No words fro me will help now. Lean on others and know that you need and deserve care at this time. You provided him with excellent care and love.

Biggles · December 1

I am weeping buckets of tears for you, for me and for all of us here. It’s not fair it’s not real it can’t be happening it can’t have happened at such a young age to you. I am so sorry, my tears are flowing as I type.

tonyac2 · December 1

I can feel the pain as I read your post. Why, is the most cruel question of all. This doesn’t make sense and that’s the hard part. Gone far too soon. I’m so sorry.

Metta · December 1

You have poured out what so many of us here feel. I could have written those words on Thanksgiving morning at 2am sobbing and every day since then. My heart breaks for you.

Colacho10 · December 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. Just allow yourself to feel all the emotions, and don't try to suppress them. The "rock" he was to you is still part of your strength, and it's ok to lean on others for help. I hope you go through this as painlessly as you possible.

Marla13 · December 1

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Such pain and sorrow. Hugs.

jgreen · December 1

Dear @MarDel0917

I am so so very sorry you are going through your great loss! I/we are glad you are here with us so we can support you.

I just glanced at the titles on another of these boards - Supporting Those Who Have Lost Someone. (You will see the individual discussion threads when you first log in to the Caring for Caregivers blog). This could be a way to gently guide you in your transition to stage 8. I see some familiar sign-in’s on that board so you will be in great and caring company. I do ask that you stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

I have you (and all) in my prayers. God bless you at this difficult time. 💔

charley0419 · December 1

so young not fair I feel for you God Bless you and your family.

marier · December 1

I too am crying as I read your post. Sending you hugs and thoughts of love.

CindyBum · December 1

Oh, MarDel. I'm so sorry. Dementia in all its forms can go right to hell as far as I'm concerned.

Dio · December 1

Sending you lots of hugs…the pain is unbearable, we know. Words won't help. Just know we are here.

Jgirl57 · December 1

scream scream scream !!! I too hate Alzheimer’s !!! ((( HUGS))) to your sad heart .

annie51 · December 1

My heart breaks for you and to go through this at such a young age just adds to the pain. You WILL get through this but let your grief out, don’t suppress it. We’re hear to listen and cry with you whenever you need it.

howhale · December 1

So, so sorry for your loss and your words and rage at Alzheimer have been shouted by so many of us and more yet to come unfortunately. Let it out, yell, cry, rage at this horrible disease. We hold so much in while we provide care but it all must come out afterwards. Try to find someone you trust and who can just sit and listen so you can open up and let your feelings out without their judgement or attempts to tell you how to grieve. I am only four months into what we call Stage 8 for those who are left after. We are all hear to help any way we can. Come here as often as you wish and yell, scream, curse, and we will listen quietly and without judgement. Only you will know how to process this for yourself. If you ask, you can get all the suggestions and sharing of how we try to deal with it but you are always the one to decide how and what works for you. Again, so sorry you are joining our group but we are here for you.

SDianeL · December 2

YES!! I hate f**king Alzheimer’s too!! This disease is terrifying and heartbreaking. Nobody understands unless they have walked in our shoes. There is an organization called Grief Share that has online support or in person support at churches. I’m looking into it. I also continue to come here where I have received so much caring support. Sending love and hugs. 💜🙏

Whyyyy!!!?????

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