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Support Group Cookie Exchange? No!

ARIL
ARIL Member Posts: 264
100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Care Reactions
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in Caring for a Parent

Just need to vent about endlessly unreasonable expectations…with the “you need to take care of yourself” heading that list today. You need to (fill in the blank) sleep, meditate, journal, blog, do yoga, do cardio, take a break, take a walk, join a support group…while being sure to show up at work fully present, care for others, advocate for your PWD, join advocacy organizations, be fully present at home, cherish the good moments, preserve the memory bank for the whole family, educate yourself and others about dementia, create activities for your PWD, show patience, express gratitude, be there for everyone. Stop this train. Just stop it.

Today I had so much to do at work I couldn’t visit my PWD in MC. I felt guilt. (Yeah, I know.) When I don’t go, a lot doesn’t get done… In the mail I got a notice that MC charges are going up another $1k/mo. in Jan. And I got email invitations to multiple events at the MCF this month. Some in afternoons. What part of “many of us have jobs” do they not get?

One event is a “support group for families” that is also described as a “cookie exchange.” Seriously? You want me to bake cookies? What kind of “support” is that? It is not enough that I keep my PWD in supplies, monitor the losses of clothing and bed linens, coordinate financial and legal affairs and medical appointments, keep in touch with friends and relatives about my PWD’s situation, visit regularly, witness the decline…while maintaining my job, home, etc.? They seriously want me to bake cookies?

I assume this is somebody’s idea of fun. Wrong. Not fun. More chores. And to tie this to “support”? In December? It was a small thing. It just felt like the last straw.

I need support. I do. I wouldn’t mind support from the families of other MC residents. But I do not need to bake cookies as the price of admission. So I guess I’ll skip the support.

Sorry, this feels like whining. I know it’s trivial. But wow, it just felt like a step too far.

Comments

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,596
    2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions 1,000 Likes 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    It’s not trivial or whiny at all. OMG. Bake cookies? Are you kidding me?? I didn’t work but there was no way I could bake cookies. I was going through chemo. If I went I would buy some cookies and take them with a note telling where I bought them!

  • jen ht
    jen ht Member Posts: 120
    100 Comments 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Thank you for sharing this, @ARIL It helped me find words and ways to express how I'm feeling too. I also got the cost increase letter. Ugh.

    My hand in yours. May we be well.

  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 599
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    Member

    Amen sisters and brothers! I also got the cost increase letter (expected every year after Thanksgiving) and the invitation to a party at MC on a weekday afternoon. On my busiest work day. At 2:00 my mom will be napping or staring into space, but I feel that I should cut out of work early and go to the party to prove that I am engaged and attempting to engage mom in the festivities. But at least they didn't ask me to bake cookies !!!

    I hear you loud and clear. I work full time, have a child in middle school, have been through cancer treatment myself this year, and yes still managing all the things for mom. God has seen us through, one day at a time, but I do feel the pressure. Why do we all feel the need to add extra at the holidays??

    ARIL, I hope there is an opportunity sometime for you to provide feedback to your mom's facility that the cookie requirement actually discourages you from attending the event. I'll bet you are not alone among the MC families.

  • pirplepastrygrl
    pirplepastrygrl Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member

    Your feelings are so valid. AND, for some, this may be a perfect way to feel connected, relaxed, and just what they need. Some may want to bake cookies and if the event isn't for you, that's okay too! It can be both. It's also really good to vent.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,988
    Eighth Anniversary 1,500 Insightfuls Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments
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    LOL, next thing you know they'll have you out shopping for your Secret Santa swap.

  • ARIL
    ARIL Member Posts: 264
    100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Care Reactions
    Member

    It is very helpful to feel seen and understood. I was heartened reading your responses, and you helped me see more clearly how much my reaction to a thoughtless invitation was affected by the cost increase letter. Sigh.

    It is a powerful gift to feel less alone in all this. Thank you. ❤️

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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