Grief Differences Among Family

I wanted to reach out to others here for feedback. I struggle trying to help family understand why their grief for the loss of their mother or grandmother looks so much different than the overwhelming grief they see in me. I know each and every one misses her terribly, so it is definitely not because they cared less or loved her less. It is obvious that, as the primary caregiver for all these years, I would have seen and experienced more maybe leading to differences. What I am after is a better way to calibrate us all. They are not stronger than I am, so why is it so debilitating for me? My simplistic answer to them until now has been "it took us ten years to get here, it might take ten years to get over it". Sounds good but I don't think it carries much meaning for them. So, here is a thought. If you consider this was a 10 year process from first signs to the end, and it existed throughout the pandemic (further reducing their exposure to her), how many times did you see her in person for a visit (all were a couple hours max)? How many times did you find yourself crying after a visit? How many times did you find yourself crying after an update was provided by email or phone? How many times did you find yourself breaking into uncontrollable crying in between these visits or updates? There is no judgement intended here and actually an encouragement for each NOT to share their answers. Regardless of their answers, my answer would be, for my 24/7 exposure over the 10 years, almost none. I never broke down or cried openly. Am I heartless and cold? No, I was "on duty" 24/7 for 10 years and could not afford to let myself cry in the presence of my wife and we were never out of each other's presence because I was the caregiver. The conclusion might be that they were able to process their grief in pieces after each visit or update, if they cried then. Over time their grief was terrible but came in pieces allowing one to manage the end and after better. In my case, there was never a time to cry, to grieve, I was busy and consumed with her care. I could not let her see me cry, she would not understand why. On those exceptions when it happened it frightened her and caused fear and confusion. Now, the end has occurred and I am no longer constrained, so every picture, every thought, every sound, etc. triggers grief because I was never able to relieve it over the course of her disease. I am interested in feedback on my thoughts. Has anyone else found it hard to help loved ones understand the depths of our grief? Thanks in advance for any feedback or thoughts.