both parents with dementia, cost of care very high

Oh, I am sorry. Yes, this is an extremely expensive disease. I know there are some care facilities where spouses can share a room, which reduces costs, but as the disease progresses, this may become harder to manage.

One couple I know, both at about stage 6 with Alzheimer’s, are living in different facilities, since they have different needs for care. The costs are high but the separation has benefited the less aggressive spouse.

Welcome. I would think independent living with 24/7 caregivers is going to be considerably more than your average facility. I know costs vary a lot by state, but that is more than twice the cost of a typical facility near me. You obviously want to find a really nice place, but if they can only afford to be there for a short time, maybe you need to lower your standards to just nice. Assets may need to be sold to cover the costs. Dementia care is so expensive. When all the money is gone Medicaid is an option, but that usually means a nursing home and a nursing home is generally not as nice. I agree that you might want to talk with a lawyer. Medicaid has some rules and requirements that must be followed (no gifts is a big one). If these rules are broken they may not qualify, in my state they look back at finances for 5 years. If you think there is a chance they may need Medicaid a lawyer can give you suggestions that may help protect some of the money. For example prepaying for a funeral is allowed by Medicaid and would prevent family from covering these costs. I have attached a link for Medicaid information by state.

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/