Hubby in memory care the nurse?

Katcat · December 3

hubby in MC one month and 12 days. His reasoning skills are impaired. He cannot understand he can come home sometimes but has to go back there. Today he cried about going home and I cried too. I just couldn’t stand seeing him this way. One of the nurses or maybe she’s an aide said he’s cries all the time. That I should listen to my heart. Then says don’t tell anyone I told you this ??? So am I to believe that the staff there is lying to me saying he’s ok when I’m not there when really he’s upset. What do I do about this. There’s no way he can come back home. Was the nurse trying to tell me I should take him home. I would love him too but it’s too much for me. I wish he could understand as I would love to take him out. Please your thoughts. On top of all this our cat passed away. I’m in so much heartache.

JulietteBee · December 3

@Katcat, she told you that as information only. She fears getting in trouble because if her supervisor knew she told you that, whether it is truthful or not, it may cause you to remove him from the facility. Do not believe she is sending you some cryptic message about abuse. She isn't!

My pwd cries daily and she is in an independent living facility. Dementia can cause depression. It sounds like your hubby could benefit from an anti-depressant.

Katcat · December 3

No I didn’t think anything about abuse at all. She was trying to say i should take him out because she said listen to your heart. And that’s wrong. I have to listen to my head. Anyway psychiatrist saw him yesterday and he isn’t depressed. She’s prescribing namenda and if that doesn’t help something else. Can’t remember what. Thx for your input.

Russinator · December 3

((HUGS))

H1235 · December 3

I wonder if bringing him home is a regular reminder of what he is missing. As you said he can’t understand why it is just a visit. This mist be confusing. Not that he needs to see his home to miss it, but still, out of sight out of mind might help. Routine is so important for a person with dementia. Even though he doesn’t want to go back to mc could it be that these visits are too confusing for him. He may see things/projects in the home he thinks he needs to work on(but can’t). Things as simple as the bathroom floor plans, the tv remote works differently and lunch choices could all make him frazzled and confused. I know that for many with dementia there is a constant desire to go home. Some even say they want to go home while sitting in their home. Have you talked with his doctor? Maybe he needs medication for anxiety (or an increase). I don’t really know what to think of the aides comment. If he is actually crying often, then all the more reason to talk with the doctor.

Sweetwater · December 3

My husband in MC cried a lot at times. It was heartbreaking. He said he couldn't help it. I talked with his Dr. and Lexapro was prescribed. It helped immensely. At the time he was also taking a low dose of seroquel and Ativan.

Quilting brings calm · 2:40AM

I think you should stop the home visits. The change in routine is upsetting him. In addition, my mom cried a lot in stage 4. It took a few tries to get the right combination of medications. Sertraline and mirtrazipine worked for her. Xanax as needed as she progressed.

Hubby in memory care the nurse?

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