Sundowning

Welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. Sorry about your Mom. Sundowning is common and so are hallucinations & delusions. Learn all you can about dementia. Start with the book “The 36 Hour Day” and then search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings. What I learned here is that we never argue or try to correct someone with dementia. They can’t comprehend they have cognitive issues. The second thing I learned here is that “You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken” so we learn to use fibs. Your Mom may no longer recognize your Dad. People with dementia get lost in their timeline. So when she asks about your Dad just say he’ll be home shortly. He’s working late, he stopped at the store, the distract or redirect. Sometimes a snack works. Ice cream worked for my husband. I remember I read tips for sundowning online so I’ll try to find those again. Getting a definite diagnosis is very difficult. So much is unknown. Once you get the final diagnosis be sure to provide the Neurologist with a detailed list of your Mom’s behaviors and ask for medication for hallucinations & delusions. Risperidone helped my husband for awhile. The best type of doctor to manage medications for dementia is a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Get a referral to one if you can. I would post under the Caring for a Parent category rather than this General Topics category. Also read old posts under the Caring for a Spouse or Partner. There are more posts there. Cone back often for info and support or to vent. We understand what you are going through.

here’s video about hallucinations:

My stepmother was susceptible to hallucinations and delusions, often late in the day or the middle of the night. It was very scary. When I was staying in their home (in the years when I was trying to manage an impossible situation long-distance with frequent visits), I made the rookie mistake of trying to reason and explain. Oof. Definitely the wrong strategy. (I have horrors of those days.) What worked better was trying to calm her down by joining her reality as much as possible. Me, 2:00 am: “Your son wants you to pick him up? He’ll call back with the address. Why don’t you go back to bed for now? When he calls I’ll wake you up.”

Trying to manage this by talking was only ever a stop-gap measure. But sometimes that’s all you’ve got. Hang in there!