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Merry Christmas?

Cate2024
Cate2024 Member Posts: 24
10 Comments 25 Care Reactions 5 Likes First Anniversary
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

My DH is Stage 6, mostly cognitive age 4. He was diagnosed 4 years ago. Because he was an athlete, he is very physically strong. He still has joy for our dogs, loves to eat, and mostly easy going. Until he's not. I took him to cut down a Christmas Tree as I want to give him a nice Christmas. His family have not stepped up to help through the journey. As I was starting to decorate the tree, he got angry wanting to know why we were bothering to do it for all the GD men that keep coming around. And this attitude continued. Asked me who owned the shed in our fenced yard. I said he did. More anger about why the men and the GD neighbours were using it. And on and on it goes. Two hours later he was back to easy going, and I had lost all my joy in trying to make a nice holiday season in case it is our last together. I am angry, hurt, disappointed, frustrated and overwhelmed. Some days I'd like to just walk away. He looks great and I look a wreck. Sorry, just venting….

Comments

  • tonyac2
    tonyac2 Member Posts: 141
    100 Likes 100 Comments 100 Care Reactions 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Hello Cate2024. Sorry that your attempts were not appreciated or recognized. What I’m learning about things that I think are special have no relevance whatsoever for my DH. I understand that feeling that, “this might be the last _______”. But for my DH, he already had his last whatever before he was gripped with this hideous disease. I’m convinced that special days hold no significance for him, so I try to make each of his days as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. Sadly we have a great divide called “damentia”. I’ve long ago ceased trying to drag him into my world, I make his reality our reality. Sorry Cate2024.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 1,370
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 250 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Pwd usually do best with structure, routine and consistency. I wonder if having a tree in the living room and all the commotion of decorating is causing his out bursts. Unfortunately I would guess the holiday means more to you than to him. It’s so hard to know what to do.

  • blacksparky
    blacksparky Member Posts: 169
    250 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments Second Anniversary
    Member

    I agree with H1235. This year I am not doing any Christmas decorating. I Wii keep our home looking just like it does now until the end. It’s sad but a reality. My DW now late stage 5 has no idea what’s going on until I disrupt her normal. I’m sorry that you have to go through this.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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