Merry Christmas?

Cate2024 · December 8

My DH is Stage 6, mostly cognitive age 4. He was diagnosed 4 years ago. Because he was an athlete, he is very physically strong. He still has joy for our dogs, loves to eat, and mostly easy going. Until he's not. I took him to cut down a Christmas Tree as I want to give him a nice Christmas. His family have not stepped up to help through the journey. As I was starting to decorate the tree, he got angry wanting to know why we were bothering to do it for all the GD men that keep coming around. And this attitude continued. Asked me who owned the shed in our fenced yard. I said he did. More anger about why the men and the GD neighbours were using it. And on and on it goes. Two hours later he was back to easy going, and I had lost all my joy in trying to make a nice holiday season in case it is our last together. I am angry, hurt, disappointed, frustrated and overwhelmed. Some days I'd like to just walk away. He looks great and I look a wreck. Sorry, just venting….

tonyac2 · December 8

Hello Cate2024. Sorry that your attempts were not appreciated or recognized. What I’m learning about things that I think are special have no relevance whatsoever for my DH. I understand that feeling that, “this might be the last _______”. But for my DH, he already had his last whatever before he was gripped with this hideous disease. I’m convinced that special days hold no significance for him, so I try to make each of his days as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. Sadly we have a great divide called “damentia”. I’ve long ago ceased trying to drag him into my world, I make his reality our reality. Sorry Cate2024.

H1235 · December 8

Pwd usually do best with structure, routine and consistency. I wonder if having a tree in the living room and all the commotion of decorating is causing his out bursts. Unfortunately I would guess the holiday means more to you than to him. It’s so hard to know what to do.

blacksparky · December 8

I agree with H1235. This year I am not doing any Christmas decorating. I Wii keep our home looking just like it does now until the end. It’s sad but a reality. My DW now late stage 5 has no idea what’s going on until I disrupt her normal. I’m sorry that you have to go through this.

starwood · December 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74780/merry-christmas

I, too, am sorry you have to go through this. It is an ongoing struggle knowing how to respond to our LO when their response can be so uncertain. It especially is difficult during the holiday season. Wishing you the best.

jfkoc · December 8

Sad but likely that it may be best not to celebrate holidays/special days anymore. They are just too difficult for our loved ones,

My opinion extends to facilities too!!!!

Biggles · 2:17AM

I didn’t know whether to start a new discussion or tack on here. I too am spent. We try so hard and it’s so exhausting. I needed to go to the post office, according to the GPS 4 minutes from our place. DH said he wanted to come so the slow frustrating process started with getting suitably dressed ie out of pyjamas, slow slow, then out of the house and into the car. 4 minutes to the Post Office couldn’t leave him in the car as it’s too hot so the slow process of getting out of the car and into the Post Office and back again. DH was frustrated and angry in the car didn’t want to go home so we had a silly discussion and ended up going for a drive, a short walk in a park then home. He’s now asleep on the couch was watching Love Actually again!

I’m ready to pull my hair out today, tired, exhausted, and not in tune with all the tinsel and holly and the joy of looking forward to next year?? I will be so pleased when it’s all finished. There seems to be no point in buying stuff nobody cares about, cooking food that falls on the floor and goes unappreciated and celebrating a time when my DH has no idea what it’s all about.

I put on a show for the grandchildren but I am truly over it today. Hopefully tomorrow things will seem a little brighter.

SDianeL · 3:03AM

I’m so sorry. He’s having delusions, hallucinations and agitation due to anxiety. Change of routine causes it. Is he on medication to calm his anxiety? If not I would speak to his doctor. Hugs. 💜

tucson anne · 3:13AM

Last year I did virtually nothing for Christmas; this year I decided a little decorating might cheer me up. My husband is probably top of stage 6; has no idea what Christmas is. I spotted a small tree at home depot, brought it home and put a string of lights on it. Then I decided only to put red ornaments on it, starting with the little red cardinals who look real. I turned it on and DH walked by and really liked it. He didn't remember that we always put an origami rhinoceros that he folded, now many, many years old, on the top and couldn't do it anyway, but smiled when I put it on. I also got out a few other collections of decorations and a wreath for the front door. It cheered me up. No one will be here for Christmas (family all live out of town) and we don't do adult presents any more, so what I have done is what Christmas will be. Oh and I did successfully take him to a local Christmas concert where he remembered the chorus of Jingle bells. I am thinking that this small bit of decoration is giving me a new Christmas memory, so I won't dwell on the past. I do have to admit I was already so done with too many presents, too many people Christmases so it's easy to start a new kind.

WIGO23 · 5:03AM

I totally understand the lack of enthusiasm for holidays or occasions to supposedly celebrate. Tomorrow is our 53rd anniversary. DH with ALZ has no way of remembering and I just don’t want to even bring it up. He might deny it. He might lie and say “I was just thinking about that”. He might react with confusion or anxiety. So, with little chance of something positive happening after reminding him, I will just let it pass as just another day. 53 years and it has come down to being afraid to bring it up—-sad!

Biggles · 6:52AM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260249#Comment_260249

Tucson Anne that does sound so comforting. Thankyou. Instead of fighting it be gentle and kind to yourself. I still have to get used to doing things for myself and if my darling DH has a moment of clarity and enjoyment then it’s a win win. I shall take a leaf out of your book.

Cate2024 · 1:40PM

Thanks everyone for your input. My DH believes his wife went away with a bunch of men in August 2024. So the Christmas tree is a way of trying to connect. He’s still hoping he’ll see his wife during the holidays.

Merry Christmas?

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories