Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

found out

Katniss88
Katniss88 Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caring for a Parent
I just found out today that my mom has Alzheimers. she's in her 60s and yes im in my 30s but its still a shock. I had to tell my 17yr old son today. The doctors caught it early on, however its still hitting me hard. how does someone cope with this news?

Comments

  • JulietteBee
    JulietteBee Member Posts: 349
    100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    We cope by doing what you just did. We sought information and support.

    Welcome! Here, you will find fellow caregivers who have also had terrible news delivered to us. We walk together, virtually, recognizing we can not survive alone.💯

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,666
    2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions 1,000 Likes 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Welcome. So sorry about your Mom’s diagnosis. How we cope is to learn all you can about dementia so you can help her. You are at the right place for info and support. Make a list of things to do. Get her legal affairs in order. DPOA, Medical POA, HIPPA forms for all healthcare providers, and a will. Don’t delay. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Come here often. We understand how you feel. Hugs. 💜

  • Janfour24
    Janfour24 Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260543#Comment_260543

    Hi, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a year ago, but we are now noticing the decline, I was advised twice by her Dr. to get power of attorney, but I feel so lost. If you don’t mind sharing were I can go to get this done? Any advice will be helpful.

  • JulietteBee
    JulietteBee Member Posts: 349
    100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    @Janfour24, it would be best if you hire an attorney that specializes in Elder Law or Estate Planning. It comes at a cost. However, you are guaranteed all necessary forms are legally drafted and your future actions regarding mom's care or her estate, will not be able to be contested in court.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,666
    2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions 1,000 Likes 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260547#Comment_260547

    search for a Certified Elder Care Attorney. If there isn’t one in your area, search for a Wills and Estate Attorney.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,666
    2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions 1,000 Likes 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    This may help: https://www.nelf.org/attorney-directory-search

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 1,116
    1000 Comments 250 Insightfuls Reactions 250 Likes Fourth Anniversary
    Member

    @Janfour24 make an appointment as soon as you can with an attorney to get these filled out. It will take two visits. It can be best to go alone or with a support person (not the person with dementia—pwd) for the first visit to describe the situation and get the papers prepared.

    If you are not used to hiring attorneys, the cost can seem prohibitive, but this path is much cheaper than waiting too long and having to work around the lack of papers. Dementia is expensive in so many ways, and this is only the first.

    Another thing to keep in mind is to avoid a "springing" power of attorney. Get a durable poa that goes into effect immediately, so you can begin picking up jobs, like paying bills, as soon as you need to. A "springing" power of attorney requires certification that the person is incapable of making decisions, and that can be difficult to manage.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 1,392
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 250 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Welcome. I think I was so busy in the beginning I didn’t have time for anything else. A lawyer is very important! Since she has to be of sound mind, you don’t want to put this off. I would also suggest a living will. This will allow her to decide while thinking clearly what she wants for medical care. I would also recommend you learn all you can about dementia. It’s going to be rough to read, but in my opinion it’s better than having no idea what to expect next. You will need to keep a close eye on her in these early stages. People with dementia often don’t recognize their limitations (anosognosia ). This may lead to safety issues. Chances are she will not come to you and say, “I shouldn’t be driving”, “I’m having trouble using the stove”, “I lost my balance maybe I should be using a cane”, “I’m having trouble paying my bills-will you help”. It will be up to you to notice these things and do what is necessary to keep her safe. You will probably even get some resistance from her. Dementia care is expensive. A frank and open discussion about finances is probably a good idea. If Medicaid may be necessary, bring this up with the lawyer as well. There are rules for qualifying that you will need to follow well before she might apply. A prepaid funeral is often a suggestion. I have attached some resources. Sorry you need to be here you and your mom are too young to be going through this.

    Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf
    DBAT.pdf

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories