DH hallucinating that he's going to have an affair

Whatdowedonext · December 16

I am going to post this, because I haven't seen anything quite like our story. My husband is in Stage 5-6 of This Crappy Disease, and he is now telling me that he would like to start a new relationship. The woman he's interested in is a neighbor whose name we don't know.
He has been irritated with me because I am the person who has to help him with bathroom issues, a humiliating experience. I think he is connecting his anger with me to a desire for a new relationship which wouldn't be troubled with such a sad situation.

I am heartbroken, I have done everything possible to make this situation more bearable for him. I know his "reasoner is broken," but I am having a hard time dealing with this.

SDianeL · December 16

so sorry this is happening. As you said his reasoner is broken. He is unable to make a connection between his going to the bathroom and having an affair. It’s more likely that his timeline is regressing to younger days. He probably has the mind of a teenager. Certain forms of Dementia cause inappropriate language and behavior. Their filter is lost. Does he still know who you are? I know it’s hurtful but it’s not him talking, it’s the terrible disease. Keep reassuring him you love him and will be there for him. Hugs. 💜

Whatdowedonext · December 16

I am finding it difficult to accept the loss of his “reasoner.” I think this may be because he is still social and doesn’t say things that sound irrational (or only rarely.) I am going to start a list for myself of the irrational statements he’s made (he needs to go care for his mother - who died 15+ years ago; he’s a little kid who can’t answer difficult questions; the Beatles have joined him for the afternoon to jam, etc) His irrational statements are rare, and I think my brain minimizes them. I need to change my self-talk to reflect reality, maybe draft some notes about what to say when he says something about his prospective sweetheart.

M5M · December 16

Oh, my, what a challenge! I am wondering if some "practical issues" might evolve……..Is he still able to go outside by himself? Could he wander off in the direction of that unknown neighbor?

It might be prudent to introduce yourself to the neighbor, and mention to the neighbor that your spouse "has some memory and confusion issues." I wouldn't go further than that, but at least you would have laid some groundwork should an awkward exchange occur. Others may have different suggestions.

jfkoc · December 16

It might be interesting to understand what is behind the affair idea.

You might have a conversation about how especially beautiful relationship beginnings can be and share some of your memories of. how you met…early dating…the excitement etc…Like the song from GiGi "Ah ,yes. I remember it well"

Whatdowedonext · December 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260898#Comment_260898

We're fortunate that our cold winter has arrived, which slows him down. We have alarms on the doors, he has an AirTag in his wallet (doesn't know what it is), we'll add a more secure alarm system.

Palmetto Peg · December 17

My DH also went through this stage. At one point he told me he was going to have sex with my sister, because she was thinner and prettier than I am! You can imagine how hard that was to hear. With proper medication and time, he no longer does this, although he does mention girlfriends now and then. Certain types of dementia seem to have more sexual actions than ever. Everyone here is right - it isn't him, it is the disease. I just tried to divert him to another subject, and eventually things got better. Hugs to you - nothing happening with our loved ones is easy!

Whatdowedonext · December 26

What medication helps with this? This is still going on. Today he didn’t want me to see him unclothed, because it wasn’t appropriate. He thinks we should never have gotten together 25 years ago (second marriage.) Distractions don’t change the basic fantasy, which seems persistent.

Chammer · December 27

Cimetidine is used for hypersexuality. Search hypersexuality here on the site. There are several members who have used it successfully. Not sure if it will help with these types of hallucinations but a trial might be worth it to see if it does help.

BPS · December 28

My wife has accused me many times of having an affair and has a few times said that she was going to have an affair. What makes it harder (or maybe easier is our relationship never fully recovered from an affair she did have in the past)

Mitsu2 · December 30

My husband went through a fairly long phase where he obsessed over his step-cousin, imagining a relationship that never existed. He sent her some strange text messages when he still had a phone, and she blocked his number. More recently, he told me he'd like to marry me, but first he had to ask his wife for a divorce.

Our marriage was not good before the dementia, so it doesn't have any impact on me. It could be very hurtful for someone who had a close and loving relationship before this disease progressed.

DH hallucinating that he's going to have an affair

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