Care conference
Mom moved to snf about 6 months ago. She is doing well for the most part. Her memory isn’t too bad, but she struggles with executive functioning, logic, and has bad anosognosia. She presents herself very well. I have a letter signed by two doctors stating she is not capable of making medical of financial decisions for herself (snf has a copy if this). I was told there would be a care conference in 6 months to evaluate her needs and how things are going. I have a few minor things I will bring up. The problem is mom has been invited to this meeting. To start with mom will be annoyed that I am even invited to this meeting (in her mind she is perfectly capable of handling it and it’s none of my business). How do I bring up my concerns(minor) with mom there? My other concern is that she is going to request something that sounds perfectly reasonable, but actually makes no sense. For example, she wants her hearing aids, I’ve just been making excuses for why I haven’t brought them (she doesn’t know how to use them). But I look like the horrible daughter that won’t bring her poor mom her hearing aids. She wants her sewing machine! I have been told I can leave it in their activity room with a shoebox size tote of sewing supplies. She hasn’t used her machine in a year(and struggled even then) so I haven’t done this. She would also demand material (I’m not exaggerating when I say I could never bring in enough material to satisfy her). Again I look horrible for not making this happen. If I say nothing she is going to tell me they said I should have my hearing aids, why aren’t you bringing them? But she would be so upset if I said she didn’t know how to use her hearing aids. In al she asked staff if she could have a toaster oven in her room and they said it was fine (without consulting me). She actually wanted a full sized toaster oven to bake cupcakes🙄. It was such a mess and she was angry with me for months. Is it normal to include a patient in this kind of meeting? I guess I will just call and tell them my concerns. Am I being overly controlling?
Comments
-
Your mom is EXACTLY the same as my mom. My mom is in MC (3 months) and makes no secret that she hates every second of it. We had her care meeting at two months and she did not attend. I asked if she was included and they said no but we could request that she be there if we wanted. Maybe you can request a separate meeting prior to the official meeting so you can advise beforehand.
1 -
Maybe you could ask if they can hold the care conference with you alone? If the answer is no, then maybe they need two meetings: one with your mom alone (to fulfill any obligations they may have to involve your mom in her care), and then later with you. Like you, I am not seeing much hope for a positive outcome if you cannot speak freely to the staff.
I assume that in an SNF, residents have different levels of physical and cognitive functioning. It may be their practice to include the residents in the meetings because some do not have cognitive impairment. I am guessing here.
My dad has been at three care facilities (AL, two MCs). I’ve had meetings with him present—mostly useless, since staff were asking questions that distressed him and to which he gave unrealistic answers (“Do you need assistance with showering?” “NO!”). Recently I have only had care meetings without him, and they are much more productive. It is possible to share observations openly and to listen to the assessments of staff who work with him directly.
0 -
my husband was in MC and they did not include him in Care Conferences. If I couldn’t attend, I could call in. I would speak to the Director and ask that they not include her for the reasons you listed. If they won’t do that then I would ask for a separate meeting preferably before the one with her there. They should tell her the meeting was cancelled.
0 -
So I called the facility and calmly expressed my concerns. I told them there is no way I could ask any questions or express any concerns with mom in the room. She says, “oh that’s fine. If you want I can ask you specifically if you have any concerns then maybe she won’t be bringing things up.” But I would! Mom will wonder why I am even there, I can’t even imagine how she would react if I asked how she was doing with her independent personal hygiene. We all know here that bring up a person with dementias symptoms or shortcomings in front of them is a big no no, why don’t they! She said the letter I have stating she can’t make decisions for herself doesn’t change anything because shes not really making any decisions, she’s just participating in her care needs. I mentioned my example with the hearing aids and she suggested I bring them in and the staff can help her with them if she can’t remember how to use them. The problem is she would fiddle with them constantly and would NEVER ask for help with them. Now Im afraid she will bring up the darn hearing aids even if mom doesn’t. I told her “I guess if I have concerns I will bring them up with the nurses or doctor as they come up.” She says that works. Grrr. Not for me! I am so mad! I don’t have any big major concerns regarding her care, so I guess I will just see how it goes. If things go really bad I may be more forceful and demand a second meeting without mom the next time.
0 -
Oh, good heavens. This is ridiculous. One wonders what the purpose of the meeting is from their perspective. If it’s just to check a box to say they met with resident X and her POA, then job done. If it is actually to learn how things are going and to improve care, then this seems unlikely to work. Sigh.
So, yeah. I guess I would go too and see how it goes. It is fortunate that you have no major concerns about care. But wow, what a frustrating thing!
I have had some minor success with emailing the MCF directors with specific concerns. And from time to time I have asked for meetings. Sometimes those have produced good outcomes; sometimes there has been little follow-through. It has depended on the specific people involved.
Wishing you luck!
1 -
Your situation is an example of how often a SNF's leadership and staff, while oriented to the needs of the elderly, are not truly dementia informed. Very frustrating. My mom did a stint in a SNF for rehab after a hospital stay. During that time, a room became available at the MC at our preferred facility, and I wanted to get mom moved there ASAP. When I asked the PT at the SNF how they felt she was progressing toward her rehab goals, they said she had met all but one: she would not lock the wheels of her wheelchair before attempting to stand. They had to remind her each time. I said you know she has Alzheimers, correct? Mark that goal unattainable and discharge her to the MC!
0 -
an SNF usually has both patients with full cognitive ability and some who don’t. The facility obviously uses the same care conferences for both patient types. A MC facility usually does not include the patient in care conferences. I would demand she not attend and you attend on her behalf.
0
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more
Categories
- All Categories
- 632 Living With Alzheimer's or Dementia
- 349 I Am Living With Alzheimer's or Other Dementia
- 283 I Am Living With Younger Onset Alzheimer's
- 17.6K Supporting Someone Living with Dementia
- 5.7K I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
- 8.6K Caring For a Spouse or Partner
- 2.9K Caring for a Parent
- 223 Caring Long Distance
- 173 Supporting Those Who Have Lost Someone
- 12 Discusiones en Español
- 1 Vivir con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- 1 Vivo con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- Vivo con Alzheimer de Inicio Más Joven
- 11 Prestación de Cuidado
- 2 Soy Cuidador (Temas Generales)
- 8 Cuidar de un Padre
- 23 ALZConnected Resources
- View Discussions For People Living with Dementia
- View Discussions for Caregivers
- Discusiones en Español
- Browse All Discussions
- Dementia Resources
- 8 Account Assistance
- 15 Help