A series of changes and more isolation for me as sole caregiver

This is just me expressing feelings the only way I can right now. This week has been challenging. My husband's Medicaid application was approved, but the part that funds home and community based services is still pending. I applied in August, and I was told that it will probably be February before we actually get any services.

His sleep patterns have changed. I get up early with our two dogs, and he used to sleep for an hour or two later. That was my time for having coffee, reading emails, paying bills, taking a shower, and just getting ready for the day. Now he's up early and no naps, so I've lost that time. He gets suspicious when I'm on the phone or computer, so I'm very limited in communicating with the outside world.

During a neighborhood walk, my husband didn't want to wait to cross the street safely and would try to rush across when traffic is coming. Then, he refused to turn down our street, and tried to get into neighbor's homes, ones that have security systems. I could tell by his level of anger that he would've shoved me if I tried to block him. He went down an alley and tried to get through back gates. I got him headed toward home, but when he saw a young couple in their driveway with their front door open, he tried to go into their house. Fortunately, they were very kind and understanding. The young man gave him a hug and said, "It seems like you're having a hard day, your house is just down the block there."

Now I'm avoiding the subject of walks and don't feel at all confident taking him out of the house. It's only been a couple of days, but I feel really trapped in the house and yard. It's been a long slow progression starting about 14 years ago. This is also almost exactly one year since he became unable to stay alone at home, even for brief periods of time. I ordered grocery delivery today since he said strange things to people during our last trip.

On top of that, my very dear eight year old dog was diagnosed with lymphoma this week. I have an appointment with a veterinary oncologist, but the earliest appointment I could find is on 12/31. I'll have to take my husband to every appointment since I have no one to stay with him. But sadly, it's progressing so fast I'm not sure she'll make it that long.

I emailed his doctor about recent changes and her opinion is that it's time to start looking at facilities for him. Fortunately, his new medical team has social workers to assist and I have some limited family support to look at placements. Not feeling the holiday spirit right now.