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Thor 56
Thor 56 Member Posts: 1
5 Care Reactions
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner
Hello, I am new to this site. I have just now felt the need to reach out for support. I have been telling my wife that the presents are not to be opened till Christmas. Well, she opened hers and her son's Christmas Eve. I was so disappointed. A few years ago, while we were in Michigan, my wife was given depression pills. These pills have a side effect of memory loss. Not long ago, I found out that Alzheimer's runs in her family. Sometimes it seems like she is getting worse by the minute. I miss the woman I married. Now she goes everywhere with me. I don't mind, but I am scared of the day she forgets who I am. There is so much more I could write, but I need to get dinner started. Thank you for listening or reading my ramblings.
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  • RetiredTeacher
    RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 347
    500 Care Reactions 250 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Comments
    Member

    Welcome Thor 56 to the group. We understand what you are going through. This disease is horrible for the person with dementia but equally difficult for the loved ones who care for them. We now go everywhere together. .. i miss the man I married, the independence I used to have, a partner to help with everything that needs to get done and the future plans we looked forward to. We do understand what you are going through. Reach out, this group is knowledgeable, empathetic and a good source of support.

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 909
    250 Likes 250 Care Reactions 500 Comments Third Anniversary
    Member

    This is not the worst Christmas but close to it. Just got to plow through it. Tomorrow will be another day, may it be new challenges or relieve I don't know. Just live long enough to see another day may be all I can dol.

  • Chance Rider
    Chance Rider Member Posts: 269
    250 Care Reactions 250 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Welcome, @Thor 56 I’m glad you found this group though sorry that your wife’s condition led to the need to be here. I’m relatively new here myself as my husband was just diagnosed last August. I’m lucky that I can still leave him unattended for a couple of hours. Your wife likely doesn’t even understand the timing of Christmas and that the presents weren’t all for her. My husband has Alzheimer’s, it’s a horrible disease that’s slowly robbing my husband of himself. He hasn’t even acknowledged that today is Christmas or that last week was Hanukkah for me, it’s just another day.

    I hope you’ll check back often. There’s a tremendous amount of support and understanding in this community, people are generous in sharing their knowledge and experience.

  • blacksparky
    blacksparky Member Posts: 214
    250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    I know what you are feeling as you begin your terrible journey of this nasty disease. My DW was diagnosed with EOAD September of 2023 and the last Christmas we had was that same year. She has not recognized the last two Christmas’s. I actually didn’t even decorate this year. This year I actually crossed the bridge of her loving husband to not knowing who I am. I am now her caregiver and will do everything I can to keep her safe and loved. Even though she doesn’t remember our lives, she does look at me as the person who takes care of her. Remember this group is here for you so don’t hesitate to seek our help getting through this.

  • michma
    michma Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member
    Hi. This is my first time posting. My husband was formally diagnosed September 2024. He was showing symptoms for over a year before that. My question is. Is it normal to feel like I have constant heartache? My girls came home for Thanksgiving and I’ve been crying ever since.
  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,182
    1,500 Likes 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions 2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/261705#Comment_261705

    welcome. Sorry about your husbands diagnosis. You are replying to another post. You will get more replies if you create a new post. Use the plus sign at the bottom of the page. Yes, it’s normal to have heartache and cry. It’s a terrifying and heartbreaking diagnosis. You are experiencing what we call anticipatory grief. Grief for what you may lose. You are not alone. We know how you feel. It helped me to learn all I could about the disease and how to care for my husband. I made a list of things to do. It helped me be in control. First and most urgent is meet with an Elder Care Attorney and get DPOA, Nedical POA and HIPPA forms for all his healthcare providers. Tell him it’s because you’re getting older. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. Come back often for info and support. Hugs. 💜

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,182
    1,500 Likes 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions 2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions
    Member

    welcome. So sorry about your wife. You are at the right place for support. 2 things I learned here that helped me: 1) never argue with someone with dementia and 2) you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Her short term memory is gone. Telling her things will no longer work. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which will explain the disease. It helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Learn all you can about how to care for her. We understand what you’re going through. 💜

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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