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No Time For Grieving

SedonaRose
SedonaRose Member Posts: 7
5 Care Reactions First Comment
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

My heart is broken. My Mom passed away a week ago and she was my rock. She couldn’t help me physically with my DH who has Parkinson’s/dementia but she was always there to talk and keep me sane. Now she’s gone and I want to crawl up in a ball and just grieve but I can’t because all the things we do for our spouses still have to be done but I find myself resenting him because of that. I feel angry, too, that so much of my time these past few years were taken up with caring for him when I could have been spending it with my Mom. What do you do when logically you know it’s not your spouse’s fault but emotionally you’re just so angry?

Comments

  • tonyac2
    tonyac2 Member Posts: 240
    250 Likes 250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Comments
    Member

    Hello SedonaRose, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. So sorry that the condition of your DH compounds your loss as you have to care for him instead of receiving comfort from him. It’s a terribly difficult, sad, angry place to be. No one will ever replace your mom but I hope you have or can find someone to help you through this demanding time. I honestly can’t imagine what it would be like to grieve my mother while taking care of my DH. Your grief is multiplied as I’m sure you were already grieving the daily loss of your DH. I’m so sorry, I wish I had something more to offer. Hugs and prayers.

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 804
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    So sorry about your mom. A terrible loss at a terrible time. The angry /resentful feelings are so relatable and hurts deeply because you know it’s not our loved ones fault they have this awful disease. Big hugs to you.

  • SedonaRose
    SedonaRose Member Posts: 7
    5 Care Reactions First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/261688#Comment_261688

    Thank you. Your understanding and validation helped more than you could know. You’re so right when you said my DH’s condition compounds my loss. It’s so true. Thank you so much for responding.

  • SedonaRose
    SedonaRose Member Posts: 7
    5 Care Reactions First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/261726#Comment_261726

    Thank you. The holidays have definitely made it even harder. My Mom was not in great health but I believed we would at least have this one last Christmas. Thank you for the hugs. So appreciated.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,186
    1,500 Likes 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions 2500 Comments 1,000 Care Reactions
    Member

    so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve. There is an organization I found online called Grief Share. They have both online support groups and in person support groups at local churches. It’s OK to feel resentment for having to care for a LO. The disease takes so much from us caregivers. You’re angry at the disease not your DH. We know how you feel. Hugs. 💜

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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