New here, need some help to keep going

This is all so difficult to navigate. I do believe there comes a time where taking your LO out of whatever facility they are in is more for you than them. My dad would get anxious when we had to go to the doctor. He no longer could remember where we were going, how we got there or what he was going for. It kind of made me realize that taking him out for any reason was probably more stressful and so I began to limit my interactions.

As far as the facility, I feel sometimes the fight is ongoing. Sometimes things are great and other times not as much. I also had to realize some of the things the facility wasn’t doing were because my dad wouldn’t let them or didn’t understand why he needed to do them. Changing clothes was a big one for me. I would go and he would be in same clothes for three days. I would keep telling them about it until someone shared their experience that their father stopped changing clothes too. I did pick my battles but it was frustrating. Give yourself some grace you are doing the best you can. Try to enjoy your family. I pray you find some balance. I know it is hard.

Welcome. Dealing with dementia is tough! I also have a brother that tends to work against me, making things worse. I have struggled since mom was diagnosed 3 years ago. The frustration, resentment, anger, stress, and just all the things I needed to do (her doctor appointments, bill, maintaining her house, finding a care facility) were too much. I finally talked with my doctor and was prescribed something for anxiety. I try to make time to exercise or do something fun. These things have helped. I recommend you talk with your doctor. Maybe make an appointment to see a counselor. Maybe join a support group. I have found this site very helpful. I vent, get great ideas on things I don’t know how to handle and I feel less along.

I found assisted living offered very little assistance. Could it be you are fighting the facility because you expect a higher level of care than they are able to provide. Mom assisted living just handed her her medication and walked away without even making sure it was taken. If she is becoming confused and upset when taken out of the facility that may indicate things have progressed and she needs more care. Is memory care an option financially? This higher level of care may relieve some of your stress. I will attach a staging tool. It gives recommendations regarding care at each stage.

I am so sorry, and I understand. This pain is unbearable. I keep hearing "safety is the priority" - hopefully you have that sense in the place where she is.

I agree with psg712. Balancing everything at once is extremely difficult. Despite having a supportive husband, healthy and happy kids, and an employer that understands that I care for my mom…. I find myself being very unhappy a lot of the time. I feel like I'm on a hampster wheel and yet I feel like I'm not doing enough…either for my mother, my family or myself. Since my mom entered MC back in Sept I have peace of mind that she is being taken care of 24/7 but my sister and I are still spinning our wheels trying to make her more comfortable and "happy" because she continues to be miserable (she is exit seeking so we cannot take her out for home visits). We were taking care of her part time for seven years prior. Since she's been in MC I've been sleeping better at night and am able to schedule less frequent visits instead of multiple calls a day from her or her aide and daily physical checks. I can go to dinner with my family and not receive calls from mom throughout. My mom is 87YO and despite having dementia, she is very healthy. She could live another 3-4 years easily. I try to remind myself that this will not continue forever and at some point my caregiving will end. It sounds like your mom needs more care that she is currently receiving. If I were you, that would be my focus so you can reclaim some of your life with your family. If she doesn't have any assets to sell or savings to fund 24/7 care or MC then look into her qualifying for Medicaid. My mom is on Medicaid and is in a decent facility. It's not perfect but we really like the staff and she's 10 minutes from my home. I hope this new year brings you some resolution and comfort!