Dad calling police in nursing home
Putting my dad in a nursing and getting multiple calls a day was bad enough. Now my dad is calling the police every day from the nursing home. I don't know what to do and I am getting very stressed about it.
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Yes, you know what to do. The best thing to do is disable or remove the phone. Many many of us have dealt with this issue + IME it has only one solution. Remove the battery + when it doesn’t work, tell him you will take it and have it fixed, never to return. If he asks about it, ‘supply chain issues’ or any other reason you can think of. Read posts here and see how common this is and just bite the bullet. No amount of reasoning will help, believe me.
Arrange with the staff to give a phone to him if you call once a day. The staff will call you if there is an emergency, never fear.
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Actually, I’m surprised the NH has not suggested removal.
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In my experience, the police typically instruct the care facility to remove the phone from the person’s room. If the calls are being placed from another phone (a landline in a common area, for example), the staff are told to monitor its use more closely.
Yes, I agree with @terei. The phone has to go.
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Thanks for everyone's response. I guess I never thought about removing his phone. But that feels like I am taking his last lifeline to the real world. I would feel horribly guilty. Just being honest on how I feel right or wrong.
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We have each struggled with guilt over various things we have "taken away" from our LOs with dementia - phones, internet access, financial control, car keys - the list seems endless. But as others here have said, you are not doing this to him. The dementia is taking away his ability to handle these normal adult activities safely.
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You are not taking his lifeline away. The dementia is forcing your hand. The dementia is what is doing this, not you! You are protecting him and keeping him safe. There is no need for guilt, but I know it’s probably not going to go away.
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You don’t really have a choice about removing the phone. He’s making false 911 calls. The police aren’t going to put up with it nor will the nursing home. It can be a felony
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The phone needs to go. You're not doing this to him, the disease is.
As @Quilting brings calm mentioned, repeated unnecessary calls to emergency services is a crime. Since he has dementia, the person who is his POA could be fined for allowing it to continue.
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My mom loved her phone, but when we moved her to memory care, the phone didn't go with her. Her short term memory was so short, she was calling people repeatedly, with no recollection of having just called. In the nearly 5 months she's been there, she's mentioned not having a phone only 1 time.
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i am just so so scared he is suffering. Is he constantly disoriented stuck in a loop. This is the definition of insanity!
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Dementia is horrible! If he is calling 911 is it safe to assume he is very upset about something? Maybe you should talk with his doctor about some medication (or increase in medication) to help him with his anxiety. Anxiety is common with dementia. The person with dementia often doesn’t recognize their limitations and gets upset with family for taking freedoms away. Or they get frustrated when they can’t do things they used to. Even the constant confusion must be frustrating. Medication may help.
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My DH is in a nursing home and I have given him a disconnected cell phone to play around with. I deleted the phone app shortcut so he doesn’t even try to make a call because I understand you can still call 911 if the phone doesn’t have cell service.
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It could be that the phone is actually making him more agitated. I know it seems counter-productive but in reality, he will probably notice it's gone for only a short time, if at all. The things they once enjoyed slowly do not bring comfort like they used to. So even though it feels harsh, dementia has made this necessary.
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I’m late to this, but I will chime in. I was resistant to take my mom’s phone too.
She called me 20 or 30 times a day, and I blocked calls while at work. She called others too, not just the police, who then called me worried. I deleted contacts on her phone, and she complained it was broken. I got her an old fashioned cord phone and she carried it around the MC, leaving it in random places.When I finally got rid of it altogether I really think her stress went down. The phone had become a source of anxiety, not comfort. Once I realized that, getting rid of it was an easy decision. It sucks, we want our loved ones to stay connected, but the disease takes that from them. The phone can’t fix it. I’m so sorry.
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Thanks for your your response.responns. It really helps to know others have gone through it.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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