Christmas Envelopes

wose · December 28

My DH has two sons and two grandchildren. I don’t know what to do with their Christmas gifts(money) We haven’t heard from any of them yet during this time. No calls no text messages. Should I take the money out and mail each one a check or just wait? It’s just me and him ( and the wildlife in my house 😳 ) and he hates me. It’s just so so sad. They don’t talk with me at all during the year, but I do send the grandkids birthday money. I haven’t seen my grandchildren in well over a year but they only live 30 minutes away 😪

H1235 · December 29

If they don’t visit I wouldn’t worry about it. But maybe I’m just a bitter resentful person.

WIGO23 · December 29

it sounds like you are very hurt by their neglect and this is neglect. Personally, I would cut toxic people out of my life. Caregiving is hard enough with support. If they don’t support you or even check on their dad, that is my definition of toxic neglect.

Sweetwater · December 29

F'em. Use the money for yourself and your DH.

SiberianIris · December 29

I don't reward bad behavior. If they can't even make the tiniest effort to call or text their own father/grandfather or check in on you, then I wouldn't waste my energy chasing them down to give or mail them gifts.

tonyac2 · December 29

I’m not in the habit of giving people money for the sake of giving them money. If they’re not engaged, I wouldn’t be engaged. I haven’t given Christmas or Birthday gifts/money for two years now and we have the same amount of contact. Basically none. Maybe two, three times a year. Maybe. I’m running a one bed nursing home and frankly can’t afford luxuries such as gifts. I don’t feel guilty about not gifting.

debriesea · December 29

I agree with the above comments but my heart goes out to the grandkids, especially if they are young. I might hold onto the hope of contacting the grandkids once they are 18. I have a grand nephew whose Mom kept him from family events. I met up with him at his Uncle’s wedding, my nephew. He was a young adult and hungry to get to know his extended family.

Miles2Go · December 29

So sorry for the way they are treating you. It is very hurtful to be ignored this way and you don’t deserve this treatment. Continue to express yourself for who you are with the focus on yourself and your LO.
For the past two years, I, too, have not received a text or phone call wishing a Merry Christmas from four of my grandchildren (ages late 20s), or thank you for the gifts of money. I send them checks for birthdays and Christmas and will continue to do so as long as I live, but they will be surprised to find out that my will (recently revised) states I have provided for them during my lifetime. I attribute their lack of gratitude to their mothers (my stepdaughters) who have not taught them to be grateful - they expect it because I have always been very generous.
Do whatever you think is best and continue to focus on you and your LO. Blessings to you. May you find peace and joy during this season. Sending you lots of love and hugs. 🥰

Biggles · December 29

I also agree that you need to surround yourself with as many positive people and groups as possible. I think this is your hour of need and you need all the kindness and respect available. If it was me, to appease my feelings and support my DH and myself, perhaps I’d put a small amount of cash individually into envelopes, with an appropriate card including a message of love, seal each envelope and put a name on the front of each. Pop these into a draw out of your sight and wait for someone who cares to come to visit you and your DH. I would suggest you resist the temptation to make contact and I certainly wouldn’t let them know that there is any money involved. You cannot buy love but you can keep kindness and love in your heart ready to share. Sending you peace, love and hugs at this extremely hard time.

JDancer · December 29

I'm so sorry your family is acting this way. I know you could use the support with all you're dealing with. My in laws have also ghosted us. The only invites are (childrens') birthday parties that involve gifts. I skipped the last one. It's no longer worth the expense- caregiver and gift- to see people who don't care.

sandwichone123 · December 29

Perhaps take the money out and get yourself some small treat that you normally wouldn't include in your budget. It's their gift to you for not showing up.

BPS · December 29

My 4 kids all live close but I don't see a couple of them very often. I text them happy birthday and still give the grand kids a card with some money on their birthdays. I used to try and keep in closer contact with them but it was a very one way road so I stopped trying. I do get them a small Christmas present because Christmas is one of the couple of times a year that I see them. They do usually come by at that time a year.

Maru · December 29

Some of our grandkids keep in touch and some don't. I understand the hurt feelings about being ignored. I certainly will not give advice here as you have to live with your own decisions. Long ago I made the decison that I would not let others dictate what I do or don't do. Based on that, I continue to give Christmas money to all the grands because, in spite of my hurt feelings, I still love them. Maybe some day they will remember they were loved.

PlentyQuiet · December 29

I used to obsess over making sure DH's son and siblings had a chance to make memories and see him while he was more alert. Now in hospice and i haven't heard from the 30 somwthing stepson in months, and only a brief merry christmas tect from the sibs after I sent out one first with a really good picture of DH.

I no longer feel like I need to spend my precious and dwindling store of energy making sure they can see him. They had so many chances, and now that the window for meaningful contact has closed I refuse to feel guilt. They had so many chances and just never reached out or responded.

I would stop with the cash gifts. Maybe send the grandkids something sentimental - photos, and old baseball mitt he used, a favorite trinket? But only if you really want to.

wose · December 30

Thank you so much. Often times I don’t post silly questions but then I realize I don’t have anyone at all to ask. All of the people on this group I suppose are like virtual friends. I just wanted to say I love and appreciate each and every one here💜 You guys always set me straight.

SiberianIris · December 30

There is no such thing as a "silly question" in this group, so if you have it, ask it. Chances are, others have the same one, and by asking it, you've helped a lot of other people.

I like the fact that sometimes there is more than one answer to a question, and I learn from the different perspectives.

Christmas Envelopes

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