When to get help?

pattymbr · December 29

pattymbr · December 29

not sure what signs I should be aware of to get help. My husband is still able to walk and be alone for about an hour or so. I have a ring cameras on the front and back doors. I do have to bathe him now. He has progressed more rapidly than I expected. He thinks people are in the house, forgets we had dinner, doesn’t remember where our bedroom is, forgets who I am and our children, etc.

do I wait until he doesn’t remember anything? Or get him a caretaker before this happens?

Thanks so much !

Timmyd · December 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262088#Comment_262088

If you are referring to paid companion care, it can take some time to find the right person. If something happened tomorrow which convinced you DH cannot be left alone, how disruptive would that be for you? Would you be in crisis mode trying to find someone, or could you leisurely take your time finding someone while still not ever leaving him alone?

Ultimately every PWD reaches the point where they cannot be left alone. How the primary caregiver comes to make that decision can be rather personal and is based upon information that only the caregiver has access to. You can either wait until something happens to convince you or you can make the decision before something happens.

For me, there have been a few major milestones in the progression of DW's ALZ. The point I decided she can never be left alone in the house was one of those major milestones.

SDianeL · December 30

we say here if you’re asking, then it’s probably time. I would be very concerned about leaving him for any length of time. Do you lock him in the house? Can he open the doors from the inside? If so, he’s a wander risk. I have read of 3 instances of people with dementia wandering in the last 2 weeks. One man they haven’t found. He’s probably deceased. Also what if a fire breaks out or he starts one with the stove? He would not know to get out or how to call 911. The nurse asked my DH what he would do if there was a fire and he said he would try to put out the fire. Not get out. Not call 911. I never left him alone again after that. He was Stage 4.

jgreen · December 30

Dear @pattymbr

I agree with @SDianeL - if you are asking, it is probably time.

I am attaching a handy assessment tool for you to gauge what stage your DH might be in. From the few symptoms you listed, he could be in late stage 4 or early-mid stage 5. Take a look at stage 5 and recommendation that LO might need to go to MC or SNF. That means he needs 24/7 supervision - you or a facility. Your role is to keep him safe. Lots of tough decisions. We’re all making those too, so you are not alone.

Dementia Behavioral Assessment.pdf

Take care and keep us posted - on you and your DH.

H1235 · December 30

I think you may be placing too much emphasis on memory as a determining factor when considering if he should be left alone. Many with dementia have anosognosia and recognize no symptoms or limitations. This can create problems. What if he decides to mow the lawn, fry some bacon and leaves a towel too close to the burner, decides to go for a walk, goes to the basement to find something and falls, decides to get a snack and eats something that is not edible or even poisonous, let’s a stranger into the house. The list could go on and on. Everyone is different. I wouldn’t be concerned at all that my mom would eat something inedible, but she very well may try to mow the lawn, fry some bacon or go down the basement steps for something. Regardless of where you are right now I think it is best to have a well thought out backup plan.

alzheimers-dementia-home-safety-checklist.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

pattymbr · December 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262137#Comment_262137

thanks so much

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262137#Comment_262137

Thank you for the assessment. It has helped me a lot. Occasionally, he has walked into rooms in our house opening closet doors. At night he thinks we have to go home even though we are in the family room. He has asked if I was married before and if I have other children. He will look at our son and ask were he is. Our son tells him it’s him. He also looks at me and asks for me so I tell him I’m Patty. Sometimes it takes him a bit to understand that. He has been incontinent for a while. Sleeps a lot more now. At night it seems worse. Table manners like reaching into a water pitcher and taking an orange slice out of it at a friend’s house. Starting to eat a few times with his fingers. Doesn’t take well when corrected. Doesn’t due any financial things anymore. Any household things he did he can’t do anymore. Doesn’t know how to turn on the oven or stove. He hasn’t left the house yet as he naps a lot. I have the ring cameras on the front door and deck.
so far he seems fine by himself for about an hour or two. I’m just 50/50 on a caregiver right now. I know he will give me a hard time having someone here. He is still aware but has a hard time finding his words. His sentences do not make sense.
so thanks again for listening and your help!😊

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