Out of state “friends” hardly there and know everything

Spot on! The unsolicited advice I get makes me want to tell them “Kiss my Grits!”🤨

Mom is in a nursing home, so I know it’s a much more difficult situation for you, but I still deal with some crazy family and friends. My brother visits mom fairly regularly, but has his head firmly planted in the sand. He has only been to 1 doctors appointment with her ever(no dentist, pediatrist, sleep doctor, eye doctor, hearing specialist, no conversations with her counselor nothing) and he rarely if ever asks what the doctor had to say. I doubt he has read anything about dementia, but was constantly arguing that mom could do things she was not capable of. At this point I just avoid talking with him as much as possible. My moms best friend told me my dad (who has passed) would be so disappointed in me and for what I am doing to my mom. My brother was included in decisions, but apparently he has done nothing wrong. She only visits her about every 6 months. Who would say something like that, even if she didn't disagree with the decisions it’s none of her business! I will never talk with her again. My uncle thinks everything can be cured with cbd gummies, but thankfully hasn’t pushed it. He tells me often it’s like she is living in a prison(because it’s locked). He is 86, so I cut him some slack, but it still hurts.

Some people love being the expert and giving advice. That way it looks like they’re doing something helpful without actually doing anything helpful. I stay away from those people.

This is such a frequent issue for all of us in this situation. I encouraged family to just sign up on this forum, if only to read the posts and become informed. None ever acknowledged that they did. I don't know how to get through to them about life inside this nightmare. I suspect what others have suggested may be correct in that they are afraid, don't want to know the reality, assume they already know the truth because they read one article, etc., etc. This disease scares so many, and I understand why, but it does create hardships for those providing the care for the loved one. I had family who would visit for an hour or two on occasion tell me they did not see what I shared as her condition. That persisted until that one, fateful day when they visited and her condition had declined such that only an idiot could not see the truth. As you might suspect, they were shocked and wanted to know how this could happen so suddenly. Of course, it was not sudden at all but a little bit every minute, every hour, every day. As harsh as it seems, I agree with the advice of others, you just have to let them go because your job leaves no time, energy, patience or desire to cater to their ignorance. Maybe they will come back later but, now being on the other side, you may well face another issue in that they do not understand the grief process that we live through after and have so many mistaken assumptions about how we should "move on". Good luck as you all do the work of often unrecognized angels providing care for your loved one while living in a what might be described as "hell on earth".