Memory Care Hell

cdgbdr · January 10

I placed DH in what was a reputable MC in September. It would take too long to share all the problems. But I have met with corporate leaders and now have the ombudsman involved. I have another facility evaluating him Monday. I fear that they will label him difficult or combative and make moving more difficult. Currently, they have no MC director and no Exec Director. Corporate people fill in. In summary, I did all the tours, read the reviews, tried to be smart and prepared and still got this. The staff is so poorly prepared that they do all the abusive/neglectful stuff with audio and visual recording on. I still work. I am more exhausted and cry more now than I have in 50 years. I'm 66. Anyway, just venting. I am so sad that I tried and failed. Note: I still work full time in an administrative nursing role. This is heartbreaking on so many levels. I am fearful for the other residents as well.

jgreen · January 10

So very sorry @cdgbdr. Your DH is so lucky to have you looking out for him! You have not failed! You did what you thought was best at the time.

Have you considered FMLA (family medical leave) for yourself so you can concentrate on being with DH and getting him moved? Caregiving is stressful enough and working in a high stress job might be making things exponentially difficult for you.

You are in my prayers. Keep us posted.

cdgbdr · January 10

I do have FMLA. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers

harshedbuzz · January 10

@cdgbdr

I am so sorry you're dealing with this.

I hope the evaluation goes well Monday.

HB

Call me Gram · January 10

cdgbdr,

I am so sorry you are dealing with this! It may not serve as any consolation to you, but I am thinking about all the other residents in the MC facility. Because of your attention to the circumstances, and your wisdom (because you work in an administrative nursing role yourself), you may be serving to bring a change to that facility… or at least some oversight now that you have brought it to the attention of upper administration and your ombudsman advocates.

While it is awful that you and your DH are experiencing this, you may be making a difference for the other residents.

My FIL w/ALZ went through a horrendous experience at a SNF. Long story short, my DH asked for an investigation into the matter. State oversight from the department of health came in and made changes at the facility. While it did not erase the distress my FIL and the entire family experienced, it certainly helped to prevent others from having to face the same treatment (or lack thereof).

My heart goes out to you. I am praying you are able to find a facility that can provide the care your DH needs and deserves. Please keep us posted.

Gram

trottingalong · January 10

This has always been my fear. In my small rural community we have one facility and it’s been investigated twice with charges levied. It did sell recently to another large corporation, so we will see if things change. I cannot imagine your stress dealing with this while still working. I’m 69, don’t work and I’m a constant bundle of nerves. Take care of yourself as well. We all seem to place ourselves on the back burner.

BPS · January 10

This is a terrible situation that you are working to make better but you did not fail the facility failed and you are working to make thing better. You are the hero in this situation.

Chance Rider · January 10

@cdgbdr you did not fail, you were thorough in checking out the facility ahead of time and have continued monitoring the situation. Your follow-up won’t change what your DH and you experienced but may bring significant changes that benefit all residents. Thank you for taking action. Be gentle with yourself.

Goodlife2025 · January 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75064/memory-care-hell

Thank you for sharing and I imagine it is so heart wrenching. I fear this same thing if I were to put my DW in a MC facility or NF for that matter. I also echo what others have said you may be in this particular and awful situation as a way to bring needed aid and relief to the other residents and families. I guess trying to find meaning in what always seems very unfair!

jfkoc · January 11

A few things to add to your search questions:

What is initial and ongoing training for dementia

get a copy the contract

get a copy of the state inspections

salaries

staff longevity

cdgbdr · January 12

The new facility evaluated him today and it went well. They need documentation of the sore on his butt. I am not at all surprised but there was no description of the sore at all. I'm working on that and should have something today. So, now they know I'm taking him out ASAP. Please pray for us if that is what you believe in. Do whatever you believe in. This is heartbreaking and exhausting.

BPS · January 12

Gald you are able to make the move and I will pray it goes well.

Chance Rider · January 13

Hoping the transition goes smoothly for both you and your DH. You’ve both been through so much.

cdgbdr · January 14

Many thanks to all of you. I think we can get him out of there on Sunday. I meet with them and ombudsman Thursday.

jgreen · January 14

Prayers for a smooth transition. And hugs to you! 💝

Memory Care Hell

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