Losing my Temper With my DW

yardman49 · January 19

I feel so sorry for losing my temper with my DW. She just pushes the same issues over and over again to solve issues that I have no control over such as her delusions and hallucinations she continues to have. She demands that I stop imaginary people from our home who are stealing and trying to hurt and kill her. She has such a short fuse when things don't go her way. I for the most part have had extreme patience with her demands and outbursts but at times become so frustrated and filled with momentary anger. I try to distract her many times and attempt to calm her to no avail. I take deep breaths and many times just go to another room to escape her insults, insinuations and accusations. The rambling ends and she calms down eventually. We have an appt this week with her neurologist this week where I am praying for help with all this.

H1235 · January 19

Have you tried going along with her delusions. Tell her you love her and are trying your best to protect her. Maybe even apologize (obviously it’s not your fault) for letting one of them get in. Tell her to go to her room and you will get them all out of the house. I hope the neurologist can help.

White Crane · January 19

I'm glad you are seeing the neurologist this week. Perhaps they can prescribe something to calm help her. In the meantime, like H1235 said, try to go along with her delusions. It's called living in their world. The delusions are real to her. My DH used to have delusions about the neighbors stealing from us and putting their trash in our trashcan along with other delusions. I have swatted flies that weren't there and assured him that I would take care of telling people to leave and other things. It's hard, I know. Going to another room like you said is a good maneuver on your part. I hope the neurologist can offer some help.

Iris L. · January 19

The delusions are real and may come from nowhere. But some things may trigger delusions. PWD may not recognize herself in mirrors and think there is a stranger in the house. Images on television may be thought to be in the room. Environmental changes may help decrease some but not all delusions.

Iris

Jeff H · January 20

My DW acted the same towards me. Her ranting would last an hour or two every day. I tried everything but she was fixated on it. Whatever "it" was. We saw a neurologist and she prescribed Rexulti. Let me tell you, it was a night and day difference! No more physical aggresion or insults! It is very expensive though. On our Medicare drug plan it is $600/month but caps annual costs at $2200. To me, it's worth every penny. Just tonight she hugged and kissed me and said she "wants to start a new life with me".

SDianeL · January 20

So sorry you are going through this. I don’t see where anyone posted the info to help you. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which gives tips on caregiving. Search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. They are very helpful. 2 things I learned here 1) You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken and 2) never argue with someone with dementia. Get in their world. For the delusions and hallucinations fib. Tell her you will make them leave and you will lock the door so they can’t come back. Medication is necessary for her anxiety. The best type of doctor to manage her meds would be a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Get a referral to one if you can asap!

howhale · January 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75131/losing-my-temper-with-my-dw

So sorry for your difficulty and it can often bring out feelings of frustration and we react. I did it even as much as I tried not to. My wife felt there were strangers in our home and became afraid and angry. It took me a minute to realize that she was seeing reflections in windows, sliding glass door, mirrors, etc. Initially I fell into the trap of trying to explain away the problem. Silly me, even as I knew how foolish it was that I even tried. Eventually I found material that reduced the reflections without darkening the areas or room completely and applied it to everything that triggered her reaction. Once I removed the reflections she calmed considerably. The anger outbursts never stopped completely until very late in her condition so I just tried to be patient and trust that it would end and she would have no recall of it. That is how I endured the anger outbursts. It is a never ending challenge of catching up with the disease progress. There is no staying ahead of it I believe and this forum can be life saving. As soon as you experience something, bring it here and these wonderful people will share anything and everything they know.

Call me Gram · January 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/263985#Comment_263985

So insightful! Thank you for sharing this howhale! DH is not there yet, but this will be so helpful if/when the time comes.

Losing my Temper With my DW

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