Home care aggression

Welcome. This is a tough one. As you know reasoning won’t work. I would talk to her doctor about her behavior and see if changing the dose of the meds would help. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to consider a memory care facility. Have you tried telling her that the person is there to do light housekeeping rather than caring for your Mom?

If dementia has rendered her personality such that you cannot maintain a team of 24/7 caregivers in the home, then a secure MCF would be the next option.

you could try telling her the help is for them. Light housekeeping. And gradually have the person assist with caregiving. The book “The 36 Hour Day” gives caregiving tips. Also search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. Some get their LO to shower by calling it a spa day and doing manicures and pedicures and promising lunch or a treat after. Those are common challenges for caregivers.

You may want to consult with a neuropsychiatrist. IDK what meds your LO is on but when my LO became aggressive in the home, it resulted in a psychiatric hospitalization and initiation of anti-psychotic medication. Anti-psychotics have downsides that aren't spoken about enough. They initially put my LO on Risperidone, which left her unable to walk. I had to take her to a memory center hundreds of miles away to get this changed to Rexulti, which she's doing well on (since October anyway - I have read here that Rexulti often becomes ineffective over time).

My LO hates the idea of home care too. She argues with me about it outside of the home care workers presence. But she has gotten used to having other caregivers in the home. My LO is moderate, so she doesn't remember the home care and companion workers who come to our home by name or anything. She just knows that they are not family and doesn't understand why they are there. (LO, of course, doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her.)

I think in the home setting mom had higher expectations for independence. She demanded she could do things herself she was just not capable of doing. After the move to a facility there was no discussion about her doing her own laundry, medication or fixing her own meals, it wasn’t an option. There was no washer and dryer in her room, no stove and medication was kept locked in a staff room. In a home setting the oven was there reminding her daily that I wouldn’t let her use it. She was in their space vs someone (caregiver) invading hers. I think she eventually fell into a routine in the facility and begrudgingly accepted the situation. The medication may have helped a bit too.