Is it time?

58penguin · March 20

I've been caring for my LO for 3 years. His progression is getting worse. I was not prepared for this, nor what is to come. Incontinence and it's a battle to get him changed. Showers are hard. Relieving himself outside of the bathroom. Wanders at night, gathering items, hiding items. He is not aggressive or combative at all. Hiring a caregiver a few days a week for a few hours a day doesn't cover the majority of the day, as things happen outside the realm of the CG. Is MC facility a possibility? Family/friends think it may be a positive thing, especially for socializing and activity. As LO mainly just wanders around house and watches TV. He doesn't engage in games, walking is at a slow pace. There are no local Adult Day Cares (especially if they have bathroom problems).

I feel i'm being selfish thinking of FT MC.

CindyBum · March 20

If you are asking if it's time, you are likely at the time.

You are not being selfish. Most of us come to that question eventually. It's ok. He now needs 24-hour care and you can't do that. No one can do that, but a facility has the people and the set-up to do it.

I will say, I think you know the answer in your heart and gut. I encourage you to trust that and not let useless guilt sway your decision.

Big hug.

White Crane · March 20

58 penguin, like Cindy said, you’re not being selfish. Most of us fully intend to keep our loved one home for the duration, but it isn’t always possible. Two years ago, I was asking the same question that you are. Is it time? In my heart I knew it was, but it’s not an easy decision. My husband has been in memory care for two years and I know it was the right thing to do. He is being well taken care of. If you haven’t done so already, visit the memory care facilities in your area and see what each of them has to offer. Then you can make an informed decision. Sending hugs.

Dio · March 20

If you ask, then it's time. And it's not selfish. You need to safeguard yourself first and foremost before you can provide proper care for him. Just find a good facility that meets your requirements.

annie51 · March 20

I went through the same thought process as you did - and the same guilty feeling. There’s just no way around it. I knew in my heart it was time, my friends told me it was past time (they were getting worried about me), and after talking to some other spouses with LO’s at the memory care of my choice, I made the call. It was extremely hard but I was comfortable with my decision after a few weeks. This is a very personal decision. As White Crane said, check out facilities and get references (other spouses) to talk to, so you’re at least prepared with a first choice. Sending hugs…it’s a hard one but we’re here to support you.

SDianeL · 12:46AM

you are doing this FOR him, not TO him. You will still be his primary caregiver just in another role. Dont feel guilty. Your goal is to keep him safe and make sure he is well cared for. We’re here for you. Hugs. 💜

Is it time?

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