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Torn....my heart breaks

lisaannhar
lisaannhar Member Posts: 2
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in Social Groups

that i finally got it all off after a week or so. im fi4st to say She is more than a handful. from time her eyes open until they close she is very very active, never sits down, and is constantly moving clothes silverware dishes etc...from one place to another. youre always saying No, stop ,take that back turn light back off,that dont go there, those are dirty or clean.this being said the husband has zero patience and is always screaming cursing at her. another reason i began trying to learn at dementia. i share with him how the things hes doing makes things worse. so far it does no good.in one ear out the other. im constantlly repeating things to him. I didnt sign up to be caretaker for both, maid, and cook forv200bweekly. but im attached and my heart breaks for both but i want to shake him...

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  • lisaannhar
    lisaannhar Member Posts: 2
    First Comment
    Member

    Looks like I lost first part of my post

    Been caregiver for 5 months. I worked for her for 20 plus years prior to biz closing and then her being diagnosed with dementia. Her and spouse were whom I worked for. He reached out after soley caring for her for 2 to 3 years. She's always been the doer and has waited on him all three years 30 plus or more) he screams and hollers at her no matter how many times I've told him it on makes things worse. I tell him she can't help things she does or doesn't remember. He says cruel things and I approach him. He may stop at that moment but goes right back to doing same. I hate leaving her but I can't 24/7 and still be sane

  • Faye2020
    Faye2020 Member Posts: 5
    First Comment
    Member

    sounds like the patient is experiencing a lot of anxiety which is a very uncomfortable feeling for her and the caregivers.
    My spouse had the same symptoms and I was exhausted from both caring for her and trying to encourage the providers to try different medications. I finally had enough and got hospice in place. These folks know their stuff when it comes to symptom control. My spouse still has some anxiety but medications have improved her quality of life a lot.

    I encourage you to connect with some type of group that might offer some education and support for the spouse. I think the Alzheimer’s Association has such a program or call them and get some suggestions.

    If the husband is resistant to the education maybe ask him to just listen in while you are learning. Also depending on her needs may home health or hospice could supplement the care you provide. I have found that people tend to be on there best behavior when more people are helping with patient care.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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