In his mind he’s home??
i visit hubby in MC every 2-3 days. As soon as he sees me he’s shocked and says why are you here. Don’t I live with you. Where am I. I redirect but through the visit he wants to know why he is there. He wants to come home. So sad. I spoke to nurse asking if I’m hurting him by visiting as often as I do. She told me it’s difficult for him to adjust. Anyway I’m going to visit just one day each week and see how this goes. I want him to have peace and not all this confusion. I am now wondering when he is sitting there at peace is he imagining he’s at home? Then when I appear it screws everything up for him. As much as I want to visit I need him to be calm so I’m going to try less visits in hopes this works for him.he has been in mc 8 months. Any thoughts? Thx
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i find that visiting triggers my husband to want to go "home," wherever that may be. It changes day to day. I still visit him every day and can redirect the conversation to where he should stay where he is tonight and I will come pick him back up in the morning. That usually works. I tell him that he is all checked in at the front desk and everything is paid for. He never remembers the next day.
I like to visit for various reasons. The place is well run and he is in good hands, but things still happen. For example, today I noticed his air mattress looked low. Turns out the plug was broken and we had to have maintenance replace it. The weekend CNA didn't notice. Little quality of life things.
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so your husband is not leaving there. You’re just telling him you’ll get him the next day. I like that but don’t think it will work with mine. I saw him today Sunday and I’m going back Friday in hopes that less visits won’t make him so confused.
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No he is not leaving there. It gives him peace of mind to think he is leaving the next day. He never remembers. So sad.
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very sad. I’m so sorry.
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After I visit my wife and tell her it is time for me to go occasionally she says OK and that she will get her things ready to go. I tell her that the doctor wants her stay a little longer and that I will be back. I don't give any time to a little longer and when I will be back (I don't think it would matter if I did). It is probably a little easier for me because my wife had a stroke just before she moved to MC so I can blame everything on that.
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I doubt visiting less will make a difference. Wanting to go home is caused by anxiety. To PWD home is a feeling not a physical place. Continue to redirect and fib or blame it on the doctor. Validate his feelings and ask about what he misses at home. Is he on any anti anxiety medication? Maybe he needs some?
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My late father-in-law questioned why he was in assisted living. I always told him that he could go home once the doctor said it was okay. He seemed to accept that. After awhile, he became accustomed to the new place.
One time, my brother-in-law brought him back to his house. Dad just sat there for awhile. Then he asked to go back because he was afraid that he might miss dinner. It took several months, but he got used to it.
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yes he’s on lexapro which at least made the crying with tears stop. It’s so heartbreaking. He’s starting gabapentin this week. Well I saw him Sunday and will go Friday to see if there’s any difference. It’s probably healthier for me to visit less. It really takes a toll.
glad that hear he adjusted. It’s been 8 months and when I appear he’s happy to see me but just wants to be home.
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I’m sorry about your wife. It’s just so heartbreaking. I ask myself how long is this going to go on. It’s awful for both of us. Blessings
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the saddest. I’m sorry.
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My husband has been in MC for 2 1/2 years and still says he wants to go home. The difference is that he no longer says it with anger or desperation. He merely says he wants to go home. And I understand that. If I were in a nursing home I think I would want to go home too. The first year to year and a half were the worst. He could't understand why we no longer lived together. He kept saying it wasn't right and got very upset when I left. At times I had to leave with him hollering after me. It was heartbreaking! At times it still is. Now when I get ready to leave, I tell him either I have to go pick up a prescription or take my sister to the doctor. If he asks to go along, I tell him next time. And I always say I will be back in fifteen minutes. This seems to satisfy him. He still doesn't know where he is or why he is there but he does not get upset when I leave. That is a blessing but it is still very sad.
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it’s tough. What we are going through is heavy stuff. I tell my hubby I’m going to talk to doctor and will be back in a few. That works for me. Not always smooth. I saw him Sunday and will go Friday. That’s a lot of days as usually I visit every 2. I’ll see if it makes a difference. Thx for sharing
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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