Psychological Effects of Hoarding, Clutter, Disorganization

Wilted Daughter

I've spoke on hoarding before, it seems easier to talk about than to take action and rectify. This is a house (4 floors, garage, yard) full of STUFF! I found the best approach is to tackle a project (room or space) at a time, while my mom is sleeping. 

The more I clear out the more it seems there is to do. Today, I cleared out kitchen cabinets after morning coffee. OMG!!!! There was a corn syrup bottle which had tipped over, so the syrup was harden like glue. After what seems like hours trying to clean it up, I had to Google "how to remove harden corn syrup". LOL I cleaned up/cleared out some of these cabinets before and thought they were in better shape. 

Before, after every cleaning session I feel despondent, anxious, and depleted. There was a time when house cleaning gave me joy. I was the type of person who enjoyed cleaning, except dish washing, and would deep clean resulting in shine and fresh aroma (I would put that on everything). 

This is my mother's house and mine because I am an only child. It would be ideal if we could clean up and discard everything we don't/won't use in the next (2) years to make the environment feel more like a home than a curse. But until then I do the grunt work then reward myself afterwards, instead of hiring someone which would cost more $$$ and negative emotions. 

Thanks for letting me share. 

jpsmollins

Wilted,

New on here and feel your pain! I

'm an only with two parents who were diagnosed this year with Dementia, but based on all the reading and research I've been doing, have a feeling they've had it for at least a year longer. Their house is the same way, bedrooms stacked with old clothes and paperwork and it does seem so much to tackle. You know you have made a dent, but really don't feel like you've made any progress. I've started having a friend come in two days a week when I'm at work to help keep an eye on my folks and she's helped me organize their stuff. You have no idea how another set of hands and eyes can help you tackle the load! 

Any friends that may be willing to pitch in????

SQBEAR50

Oh how I can relate. My uncle has a big house and when he re-married (the witch....who has since died) she brought all her stuff to my uncle's house.

So I too have to wait until my uncle goes to sleep to start going through things. I too do a space at a time due to so much stuff and getting overwhelmed by it. I'm dreading going through the office. He has paperwork from 30yrs ago!! Definitely going to pay for a mass shredding.

Can't tell you how many times I've loaded up the car and dropped things off at Goodwill.

 N

Wilted Daughter

Hi JPS...,

Welcome to the group, hope you find what you need to help along the journey. Since mom is very apprehensive of discarding anything...I just tackle things bit by bit and move on. I have throw out a lot...but some things need to be looked over. When the weather was nice (pre-COVID) I put things on the curb with sign marked "free".

I will have to hire someone eventually for the large items (furniture) but for paper, pots, pans, decorations, linen and things. I'll suffer through and do at my pace with a goal set. 

Wish you well in 2021!

Wilted Daughter

Hi SQBear50,

To save time/energy I put things in contractor bags and leave for trash pickup. During a pandemic it's too difficult to discern what someone will need/want and some Goodwill locations look as if they are hoarding too! The "free" tags on stuff has worked well (in the past) and anything not picked up by those in need will be pick up on trash day. 

Organizing/separating between the keep/throw away piles is hard work. The goal is to throw or give away more than you keep. I'll try to find a good home for the furniture, but won't spend a lot of time on it either they come get it or I'll schedule Salvation Army pickup. Some non-profits pick up housing items for single-parents, displaced persons starting over, etc. That's a good cause, I would love to contribute.

Wish you well in 2021!

jpsmollins

Thanks Wilted!

Been a battle trying to balance everything in the midst of a pandemic but I'm hanging in there.

The little bit at a time approach works well too. More mentally for me. 

Just knowing that L'm picking away everyday makes me feel like I'm accomplishing my goals.

Great to read through the posts here. All the stuff is familiar with good advice.

Nice to know you're not the only one experiencing the challenges.

You learn a lot about yourself along the way!

Good luck 

feudman

I'm a veteran of 2 house clean-outs (mom & MIL) & it certainly is time consuming. Both houses had high quality furnishings from an earlier era, china & silverware, oriental rugs, expensive collectibles, etc. When everything of little value was out, we called the thrift stores, Goodwill, Salvation Army, & finally an auction company. None would come pick up except the auction company, and they said we might end up owing them money for doing so. 

 Nobody even wanted the beautiful Ethan Allen breakfront or the Karastan palatial size carpet FOR FREE. So just a heads up. Goodwill, however, did take everything we took to them...luckily I have a pickup truck. Antiques still bring money if a century or more old. 

Wilted Daughter

Scheduling/organizing pickups can be time consuming and stressful. A friend in the antiques business referred me to a auction house type business (can't remember the name) that come and evaluate the "value" of items on the market. A relative used a company that came in and cleaned out the house and kept what was valuable as payment for services. 

I know of people who put valuables in storage then post online (bit by bit) until sold. I suppose if you have time, interest you can have an online tag sale of sorts, but handling rugs, furniture, dinnerware...is of no interest to me. I know good/valuable items have been thrown away due to time/patience constraints. Bringing order to a cluttered environment is a professional trade.

Lenore68

Wilted, I completely understand where you're coming from!  I have to say, that my mom getting an ALZ diagnosis has been the best thing for our relationship.  My mother has hoarded for decades -- after my father died, I refused to come to her house anymore because it was just too painful and I was too full of anger (my dad was in a wheelchair and she refused to clean up anything).

With her dx, everything made so much more sense to me.  Not knowing exactly when symptoms started for her helped me to let go of my anger towards her. What's the point of it now, anyway?  I found tons of boxes of unpaid bills, collection notices, newspapers, magazines, etc. dating back to 2009 or earlier.  And I now have POA and intercept all mail!

She gets really agitated when I "clean" -- she's constantly going through the trash while I'm there -- so I just secret boxes and bags away into my car and bring them home to go through while I listen to an audiobook or something. Much more peaceful for both her and me!

Hang in there -- it will take a long time to see your effect, I'm sure -- but it will happen!  My mom's house looks WAY better -- even my husband couldn't believe it!

Be strong, and stay patient. You're not alone!

Ginsamae

My MIL was a hoarder and, given the chance, will also hoard here at our house. While she was out of town over the holidays we had the carpet replaced in the bedrooms so we had to empty her room. I found bills from 3 years ago, old magazines, greeting cards, empty envelopes, and a ton of candy wrappers and used tissues. She also had about 20 purses in her closet and was always wanting to get a new one. I got rid of most everything except a couple of the purses. Now that she's back with us she's started hoarding her junk mail again. I try not to let her have it but since I work part time I'm not always here when the mail runs so she gets it. She'll be leaving to visit her Child #3 in a couple of weeks and I'll do another cleanout.

I found that it's easier to just do a little at a time.

Iris L.

Much of what people call hoarding is actually evidence of impaired cognitive functioning, which can be present long before significant memory loss becomes apparent.  

Iris L.

Sharpet

Hi Iris,

New on here. Just want to say I agree that there is a cognitive impairment component, but I have also felt like Wilted Daughter and others. My husband has eoad vs. vd. Over the past few years I have watched him go from disorganized to incapable of letting go of things. His idea of organizing is putting things from the floor into boxes and then more stuff on the floor, I've tried to help but he doesn't see that as positive, I get things into recycling when I can, and he doesn't notice. When his dad passed, he brought bags and bags of papers from his father's house and goes through them constantly. I've bought photo albums and inserts for his hundreds of old photos but they are still spread everywhere. I feel paralyzed sometimes trying to figure out where to start cleaning up. I really understand how difficult this can be. I still work full-time, which makes it harder, even when working from home. I think I can find these forums helpful, as I can see I'm not alone

TAYTRA

Michael Jackson has a song called "You Are Not Alone". As I was reading all of your posts that song started playing in my head. "You are not alone I am here with you"....... I am experiencing the same thing you all are. I have been cleaning things out one room at a time and have made a dozen trips or more to Goodwill and gifting family and friends with items all when my Mother is asleep. Yet I am still completely overwhelmed and feel as if  the more I do, the more there is to do. Thank You all for sharing. Now I know "I AM NOT ALONE".