MIL is back...FINALLY DH's sibling sees the light!!

Ginsamae

DH's oldest sibling and spouse brought MIL back to us yesterday. The first thing out of sibling's mouth was - wow! I don't know how you did this for 16 months - we are exhausted after 6 weeks.  

Basically...all that happened was what MIL does here on a daily basis but since they've never had to deal with it before they were shocked at how difficult it is; and MIL isn't even to the middle stages of this horrible disease yet. 

MIL will stay with us until Jan 23 so she can get required bloodwork and doctor appointments and medication refills. Then we will fly with her out to another of DH's siblings. MIL will stay there until after April 15. 

Our hope is that after MIL's visit with this other sibling (who seems to think MIL can still manage things pretty well) we will FINALLY be able to have a serious discussion with DH's siblings on future care & placement for MIL

Quilting brings calm

I’m glad that you got at least 1 sibling to see the light.  I’m also glad that you get further respite after this 3 weeks.  

Because I’ve slept since you’ve posted last, refresh  my memory on the roles your DHs siblings play in placement. Do they carry some legal or financial weight in the discussion...or it’s just that it will be easier if all siblings are on same page? 

Ginsamae

Hi Quilting - no one in DH's family holds any legal or financial POAs as MIL has always refused to sign anything.  Even before this disease MIL's response to such inquires was always "you're after my money" or "you want me to die or put me in a home."  DH and I feel that by his sibs helping to share some of the burden of caring for her that they will see that she is, in fact, incapable of living on her own and caring for her needs and that they will work with us to help care for her and work with us to get her on Medicaid and get the help she needs.

Dorty

Hi Ginsame!

I can relate to this completely.  DH siblings were in denial also (for years) until they spent time with their mother.  After all this time, I still don't believe they fully understand what stage she is in.  One sib hasn't seen their mom since August (we assume they are blaming COVID, even though they did have her visit sporadically throughout the summer).  The other sib only lives an hour away and has seen their mom approximately 3 hours since August.  

I'm happy for you and your DH that your in-laws are finally seeing the light and that you are getting MUCH needed breaks from being the primary caregiver.  I also pray that they give you the love and support that you both deserve now that they are realizing the stress that goes into the care of a person with Alz. I hope you find time to do something relaxing between the end of January and April 15th!  YOU DESERVE IT!

abc123

Hi Ginsamae! I remember your last post about MIL and your husband's siblings. Good for you!!! You've got the ball rolling in the right direction!

Ginsamae

Hi Dorty,

Nope, unfortunately for me I work in public accounting and the period from Feb 1 to April 15 is tax time....massive amounts of work for me.  At least this year I won't have to worry about MIL doing something to herself or the house while she'd be alone in our home. DH's oldest sibling has tentatively offered to take her back for 2-3 months beginning in mid-May so DH and I can get away since we haven't been able to take a vacation since 2018.