Daddy Elf

Mobile AL

Seriously don't know how much more I can handle.  

Around Halloween he complained of a backache and was limping on his left leg. Doctor thinks he may have had a small TIA. Around Thanksgiving he fell on his right side while getting ready for bed. No broken bones, just a couple of scratches on his arm. But now he is very unsteady and both legs appear weak and he gets off balance real easy. I've tried to have him use a cane but he says it's not that bad and he doesn't need one. He walks through the house balancing himself with chairs or the sofa, door frames or the walls in the hall. I'm on pins and needles constantly.

He woke up the other morning saying he had a stroke or something because nothing looked familiar and he didn't know where he was or who I was. I checked him for signs of a stroke but could find nothing.

I told Daddy who I was and that this was his house (since 1965). Couple of years ago I put up pictures taken during his lifetime and pointed to one of his mother and father. He  knew who they were and also recognized a picture of him and my mother taken when they were just dating (1950). He seemed to calm down a bit once he saw things he recognized. This has been going on for almost 2 years but, oddly, he noticed it this time and actually talked about it.

He sleeps from around 8:00pm to 3:00pm. He has been incontinent for well over a year, usually at night. This last week I've noticed where he has gone in the hall.  He has also started missing the toilet when he takes a crap and it gets all over the toilet (behind it, on the base and on the floor. He does that 2-3 times a week so I'm deep cleaning his bathroom 2-3 times a week. He tries to clean it up using clean towels or his tee shirt or shorts sometimes but that just makes it harder to clean. And I would rather not throw out towels or clothing but bleach can only do so much. I tried to get him to wear diapers but he pulls those off during the night and puts his underwear on.

How do you guys handle these type of situations? Should I be checking into a home for him or see whether the insurance covers someone to come in to help with these things? I'm really getting exhausted. And sorry this is so long; just couldn't cut it much shorter.

Just ran into the post re Medicare and Alzheimers. Informative but disappointing.

Rescue mom

Yes, you definitely need help. You cannot do this alone for long, no one can. Facilities have staff that works in 8-hour shifts. You should start looking at facilities, and unless you are wealthy or he has some special long-term care insurance ( not Medicare or health insurance) you will probably need Medicaid to help pay. Most everyone needs an elder care attorney who specializes in Medicaid to help get you in the program. The attorney may cost a couple thousand, but initial consults are usually free, and it will save you much much more down the road. It takes some time so you need to start yesterday, getting the finances set up and making sure your financial decisions are good for that.

Meanwhile, you should check into hiring somebody to help at home, if no family is around to help. There are agencies that provide home care aides, usually around $30/hour with 3 hour minimum. You can find a private person for less, but an agency will always have somebody show up, and has done background checks. If you use an agency, stress to them you need somebody with dementia/elderly experience.

Call your local Alzheimer’s association, you can Google for number. They can give you lots of info about what help and services are in your area. They do not tell you who or which ones to use, but do give you a list of qualified people and facilities to choose from.

harshedbuzz

You can keep him from removing his diapers by having him wear clothing/PJs that close up the back. 

Men's Back-Zip Sleeper Suit Adaptive Clothing for Seniors, Disabled & Elderly Care (buckandbuck.com)

Men's Long Sleeve Polo Jumpsuit (S-2X) Adaptive Clothing for Seniors, Disabled & Elderly Care (buckandbuck.com)