Can/How to Continue Working Outside the Home

MyMaxie

Prior to being laid off due to COVID I had a profession I enjoyed for 30+ years. I am in early 60's and never thought actively about retirement.  Just got a call for a job interview. Problem is husband has Parkinson's, psychiatrist & neurologist suspect ALZ and have requested another neuropsyc scheduled for early Feb. since he tested with significant short term memory weakness two yrs ago. Behavior and memory loss has rapidly decreased since COVID started. He has a host of significant health issues and sees numerous specialists. COVID helped quell his insistence he was going to resume driving someday.  In my old job I was able to take off to take him to appts/tests/etc. but new job would be a longer commute and I would not be a contract employee anymore.  My daughter who tries to help out as much as she can just started a job after being laid off for 3 months and is now hourly instead of salaried so her assistance during the day is not available. He can't go to medical visits alone because he forgets why he is there, what his medical history is, etc. so I can't use Uber. How are others continuing to work or is it just a pipe dream that I will ever work in my profession again? Biggest obstacle to working for me is transportation to/from medical appts. He won't accept an outside driver and will insist he can drive himself.

dayn2nite2

If this job is necessary financially, then I would look into placing him - there is really no way to assure he won't wander or have some disaster befall him in the home without hiring help during the time you're out of the home, which cost more than the income gained from working.  Also, you will be exhausted from caring for him during times of agitation and not sleeping, which often occurs with Parkinson's and related dementias.

Rescue mom

I’m sorry, you are n a very hard spot. I’ve been there...IME, ( and support groups and doctors’  experience) you will not be able to work outside the home for very long, unless you get family or paid help to stay with him. Or you can place him in facility, which may eat up your salary.

If he can’t remember what’s needed at doctors, can he remember what to do in emergency, or accident, or if a water pipe breaks or fire starts? It happens. Both happened to me, and I was AT home, just in another room for a few minutes. I found DH just staring at fire, and at water. A woman died a few months ago in a house fire with her husband, who had Alzheimer’s. He could not or forgot how to, call for help. Firemen did save him, but not her. 

With Alzheimer’s, things only get worse, and it can happen quickly. They cannot stay alone for long, usually by the time of Dx, it’s already risky to leave them.

Some docs have a few days when they work very early, or late, for working people. Maybe you could arrange some flexible hours?  It sounds like he shouldn’t be driving regardless, which means his car should, best case, go away or be disabled.

harshedbuzz

What rescue mom said.

If he's not able to recall why he's at a doctor's visit, he's not safe home alone on a regular basis. My mom thought dad was OK for a few daylight hours as he wasn't the sort to try to cook or would wander.

She asked me to be at her house while she had a doctor appointment because techs were installing a new HVAC system and she didn't trust dad not to try to redirect them (his spatial reasoning was shot and he was always trying to fit objects into spaces too small for them- he had a notion that he was going to turn the 9 x 6' utility closet into a Jack 'n' Jill suite) or send them away (because he didn't want people in the house). While they were soldering the smoke detector went off- I watched dad sit for almost a minute before asking what the noise was. When I explained it, he stood up and wandered off to find my mother. He'd forgotten what the alarm meant, that she wasn't home or to call 911. We never left him alone again. It took a while but he did come around to having a caregiver. 

In your situation, a day program may make working feasible for you. There's one day program near me that operates almost like a child day program- they're open from 6:30-6pm, offer hair, nail and shower options. 

HB

Cynbar

I'm not sure how this is going to work out unless your job is very flexible, or allows you to work from home at least part of the time. A regular 8 or 9 hour workday is a long time to leave a person with dementia alone, and it is a progressive disease so you know it will get worse. Sounds like his memory and behavior are already deteriorating. Plus, you've already thought of the difficulty with MD appointment, which is also an issue that will get more pronounced. Hiring someone to stay with him will eat up most of your earnings. You can consider a day program when they open up (not open yet where I am), but that also has a cost and doesn't solve the MD problem. I still work but absolutely could not and would not do so if I couldn't do most of it from home.

Jeff86

My DW was officially diagnosed 4 years ago.  At that time, she had moderate MCI and was OK/safe on her own.  But as her AD progressed, it was not only less safe but she would become anxious if left alone for more than a couple of minutes.

I was only halfway through an employment contract at the time (spring 2018).  So I hired an aide to be with my DW full time while I was at work.  This has worked out well for us—the aide is wonderful, my DW is well looked after, and I am able to work.

This is partly about simple math and partly about making choices.  I earn more than I pay the aide, and I continue to contribute to a 401(k), maximize my future Social Security benefit, and so on, so the economics make sense.  I also enjoy my work a great deal, so even though I fulfilled the terms of my employment contract I choose to continue working for the intellectual stimulation, the connection to colleagues, and the sense of accomplishment it gives me.

With COVID and working from home, I have the flexibility to take my DW to doctors’ appointments when I need to.

Could you work from home at least some days, in the prospective new position?