advice for the early stages

AgnesNutter

Hey all.  Happy new year.

I'm struggling with getting my mom diagnosed (one way or the other).  To skip to the end, I'm looking for advice on how to tell my mom that she has an appointment coming up.  If she does have alz, I think it's in the early-ish stages.  She can still care for herself and will definitely know that she didn't make a doctor's appointment.  She will not react well at all, and will likely cancel the appointment if she knows that I made it so I need to find some way for her to find out about the appointment without it being clear that I made it.  I don't help her manage her health stuff if any way (that she knows of - I sign into her accounts and keep an eye on things but she doesn't know that) so it's going to be weird for me to be informing her that she has an appointment.  Any thoughts?

The longer version is that my mom has Kaiser.  It took me 10 months to get it to the point where her primary care would speak with me.  Primary care agreed that she exhibits symptoms and referred her to the geriatric clinic.  Doc at the geriatric clinic had 2 virtual appointments with my mom, did a short cognition test, declared my mom alzheimer's free and "graduated" her from the clinic. 

I called afterward and spoke with a nurse at the geriatric clinic who seemed to agree that my mom should still be seen (like, really took my word for it and didn't question anything - makes me wonder about this doc my mom saw) and scheduled an appointment for my mother with a different doctor at the clinic.  So, now I need to figure out how to break it to my mom that she has an appointment she did not make with a doctor in a clinic she thinks she's no longer a part of.  The why of the appointment I can make up easily enough (kaiser requires a final appointment, one last follow-up, etc.) but I just can't figure out how to make her aware of the appointment without it being pretty obvious that I was involved in making it.

A lot of the advice I've received along the way involves lying.  I'm okay to do that.  But I cannot gaslight my mom.  I can't just pretend like she scheduled the appointment and forgot.  There has to be another way.

I am open to any suggestions.  Thanks in advance.

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Anya Sac.

Could you tell your mom that the doctor's office called you because they weren't able to reach her and scheduled a follow up appt. or a check up or run some kind of routine lab test. I would keep the "lie" as simple as possible and in a casual tone of voice. Maybe you add something about taking the opportunity to go for a nice walk in a park "near" clinic office if distractions like this work for her. I know we sometimes mention going to the "theater" to persuade my mom to go with us to a place she may not want to go to, but it sounds like that wouldn't work for your mom at her stage.

MrsAnnabelLee

Don't tell her she has an appointment coming up. Tell her a minute or so before getting in the car. "Just got a call from your doctor, your appointment is today. We better get going. You didn't make the appointment? That's strange, I'll make sure when we get there to double check today is the right day. Where's your jacket? Have you eaten, do you want to pick up something on the way? I have the funniest story to tell you..."

AgnesNutter

Victoria2020 wrote:

 mea culpa all over the place.