Vent: Outside and Inside, it's wearing on me

LadyTexan

Inside my house, DH is declining. He can no longer dress himself. He is having problems with the mechanics of using the toilet. He is still being stubborn.

Additionally, DH is having a terrible bout with hemorrhoids. Fortunately we got in to to see the doctor and are following the doctor's orders. DH is extremely EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Sometimes he cries. All I can do is all I can do, but it is not enough.

Outside my house, 

• my brother and his wife have COVID-19. They have quarantined in their home since before Christmas. They feel ill, are fatigued, are bored and sound miserable.
• my mom has dementia. My dad is her care giver. He is stressed and worn out. The doctor ordered home health. The medicare covered portion is ending next week and plans are not yet in place to start self paid care. Dad is convinced he can find a carer he can pay under the table. I want him to go with a reputable agency. He is stubborn. Meanwhile, nothing is arranged and Mom continues to decline.
• the pandemic continues to wear on me.
• the unrest, violence, and deadly results in the country wear on me.
• all I can do is all I can do, but it is not enough.

Inside my house, I took down the Christmas decorations. The festivity is gone. The house looks naked. I am sad. 

My dog is sitting with me in the chair as I write this. He loves me unconditionally. He is awesome. However, I am still sad.

I recognize my feelings are valid and I feel them. I am so tired of the sad feelings. I know they will pass. 

I know I have many things to be grateful for. Right now I am stuck in the sadness.

Thank you for letting me vent. PLEASE do NOT let it bring you down.

David J

Hey Lady!  

I spent yesterday afternoon transfixed by the tv, watching the mayhem at the Capital, getting angrier and angrier. The anger chased away the blues I was feeling about DW’s condition. Life certainly deals different hands, but we’ve got to play them the way we got them. You’ve got your dog and other animals for solace, and us to vent to. Hope your day picks up. 

Ed1937

Lady, you have so much going on, it's not surprising that you are feeling down. I'm sorry. Being grateful got you a long way, but you also have human emotions. I wish I could say something to alleviate your feelings. Just don't forget we're always here for you.

Mint

Lady I’m so sorry.  Don’t know if your DH will be cooperative with this, but if he would sit in a site bath with the warmest water he can tolerate and sit there 15-20 minutes will often give good relief.

M1

LT, I doubt if this will help, but in times of trouble, one of my biggest inspirations remains Winston Churchill, with his bulldog mentality to never give up.  I know he had his faults and limitations, but oh that we had a leader like that now.  Courage is called for in the worst of times....we must all hang in together.  One of the items on my bucket list is to put a rose on his grave in Bladen churchyard.  We can all be courageous in our small ways and I know you are.

A losing hand.

Lady, sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody knows about. Lady your one of the strong ones.

Take care of yourself and good luck.

amicrazytoo

I understand your frustration. Yesterday was a hard day in this country. COVID and politics this past year have strained most of us to the very edge. I wonder what it will be like for our grandchildren. Hopefully the act of just writing out your vent and emotions helps you move onto the next day without remorse for your feelings, they are totally legitimate. We are here for you. (((HUGS)))

Lorita

You know, LT, I think all that's happened this past year and especially yesterday has most of us close to the breaking point.  That plus caregiving is almost too much to handle.  I remember many times I had to take it one day at a time to get through.  Spent lots of time on my tree limb.  Maybe it would help you if you could get outside, even for just a few minutes - I know it always helped me.

 Sara - your suggestion about Sitz baths reminded me of something that happened many years ago.  When Karen and I started working at the VA Hospital we had to learn medical terminology.   Karen was typing a report and the doctor mentioned Sitz baths.  She was sure he said "six" baths.  We've laughed about that through the years.

LadyTexan

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and support.

DH declined a sitz bath. I gave him the prescribed meds. I am encouraging water and I am providing emotional support.

I delivered soup to my brother's door step. He is 59 with no other medical conditions. It's frightening to see him impacted so significantly. It is a very important reminder that COVID19 is very dangerous even to the healthy folks.

I sat outside on the back porch which I affectionately refer to as the veranda. I think it has the healing power of Lorita's tree limb. Several months ago I put up a bird feeder. Most days I see doves, chickadees and cardinals. 

I also fixed myself a couple scrambled eggs and ate an orange. That was a healthier meal than my usual MO of eating what I can when I can in between chores and caregiving.

My emotions are slowly on the upswing. I attribute that to venting on this forum, receiving support from my forum friends, being of service to my brother, communing with nature, eating protein, the love of my loyal dog Hap and God's grace.

Thank you all for lifting me up. Blessings to you all.

-LT

Ed1937

I'm glad you're on the upswing. You're a tough gal.

janeymack

Hugs to you, LadyTexan. You're not in this alone. 

Just a little advice that you might find helpful; if his doc didn't recommend something similar, maybe add a dose of Metamucil each day for some healthy, pleasant tasting, pleasant to consume fiber. 

Also, as a person who is severely lactose-intolerant, (as are 60% of people in the world!), is your husband consuming fresh dairy such as cottage cheese, cow's milk, sour cream, mozzarella? If so, try subbing fresh with aged cheeses, such as cheddar, parmesan, and maybe oat milk and goat cheese. When a lactose-intolerant person consumes dairy containing lactose, it can result in severe discomfort including bloating, constipation, what I call "rabbit poops", and an extremely awful non-stop cycle of constipation and diarrhea. Lactose intolerance is different for every person. Some can eat also Greek yogurt (one I can consume), which is healthy. 

CStrope

LadyTexan I totally get where you're coming from.  Luckily I don't have anyone close to me suffering from COVID, but I've been feeling many of the same things you have been....maybe it's just the WI winter really getting to me.

I'm lucky that I'm able to work from home, but it seems to be a double edged sword.  There's no getting away from the reality of my DH's situation, and what the future will undoubtedly bring.  I live in a small town so there's very little to do, even if getting out was an available option.  DH's conversation skills are far from what they used to be, so I've really been missing some normal adult discussions.  Watching our capitol under siege yesterday literally brought me to tears.  

Hang in there, for some days that's the best we can do.  I always try and tell myself "the sun will come out tomorrow", even if there hasn't been much of it lately!

anneleigh

Lady T hang in there.....we are all physically exhausted and about to give up...then I come on this forum and get the encouragement I need for another day.  I appreciate you all~

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Crushed

Victoria2020 wrote:

Strangely simple, a  european told me to drink Evian water, just the regular stuff that's easy to get . The minerals in it seem to make things work better. Label doesn't show anything unusual.

Study that backs

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26582579/

Dear Victoria

 
Unfortunately  the study you cite  is of a water with a vastly different mineral content from Evian   From the Study   the Main ingredients of Donat Mg natural mineral water are

 sodium (1600 mg/L),

 magnesium (1000 mg/L),

 calcium (370 mg/L),

 sulphate (2000 mg/L),

  and hydrogen carbonate (7600 mg/L).

(note this is one of the hardest waters I've ever seen )

EVIAN Cite lists  ingredients

  Magnesium        24 mg/l    ( instead of 1000)

 Sodium               5 mg/l   (instead of 1600)

Potassium          1 mg/l

Silica     14 mg/l

Bicarbonate       357 mg/l

Sulfate 10 mg/l    (instead of 2000)

Chloride             5 mg/l

Magnesium sulphate is the active ingredient in Epsom salts which has been used as a laxative for hundreds of years.  But it takes a whole lot more magnesium than you find in Evian

 

Full text links

Review

Nutrients  . 2020 Jul 10;12(7):2052.

doi: 10.3390/nu12072052.

Magnesium Sulfate-Rich Natural Mineral Waters in the Treatment of Functional Constipation-A Review

Christophe Dupont  1   2 , Guillaume Hébert  3

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32664341/

 

harshedbuzz

I am sorry, LT. It's sadly frustrating when there's an option for pain relief but your LO can't be coerced to follow reason and give it an option. That's hard on the heart.

Would he agree to warm compresses? Domeboro (Burow's solution) can be very effective as a compress.

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Crushed

Victoria2020 wrote:

Crushed,

It's worked in my experience and that of many people I've recommended it to. Girlfriend mixed her baby's powdered formula with it. A corked up baby is most unhappy.

 

  Try it yourself Crushed, should you ever  find yourself full ...... one day.

 

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/mineral-water-benefits#benefits  meant to include this link, got the footnote instead

I've trained nutritionists, Physicians, civil engineers and home economists. All are part of the mineral water field.   My field is science based safety regulation including FDA regulation of health claims .   The article does not support the claim for Evian.  In particular the portion of the water study with a lower dose of minerals showed no effect. 

I've been to Evian. The water  is a triumph of marketing over Science. 

Evian's mineral content is so low it does not meet the FDA definition of a "mineral water"

 Its sold in the USA as Spring water .