Counselors For Accepting Diagnosis

newyawker1983

Hi,

My mom was recently diagnosed (in July 2020) with early onset dementia.  She just turned 65 and is struggling with some minor depression from the diagnosis, only complicated by the fact that the COVID pandemic has reduced her ability to do the things she wants to do in life, and continue normal social interaction.

It took some time, but we finally got her to agree to speaking, as a family, with a private counselor.  She is not ready for a support group yet, nor an environment where she is even really ready to disclose this to anyone more than our immediate family.  I doubt she's even fully accepted the diagnosis herself yet.

Does anyone have any resources for private counselors/therapists (can be over teleconference) that may specialize in very early stages of accepting and coping with a diagnoses like alzheimers/dementia? 

Thank you!

windyshores

Different situation but I have never told my mother she has dementia. How and why was your mother diagnosed? It is harder when the diagnosis is early and they are aware, but at some point, she won't be. My instinct would be to downplay it, but maybe others have been in your shoes and will come along to help.

star26

I agree with Windy. It's very depressing to be told you have dementia and to then focus on what that means and all that is to come. Acceptance does not change that. IMO, a counselor is not going to tell your Mom anything or make her realize anything that makes the diagnosis any less depressing. If increased physical activity and keeping your Mom busy with distractions is not enough to help with her depression, and the depression is significantly impacting her daily wellbeing, I would consider a little medication prescribed by a psychiatrist familiar with dementia.  This is a good contact to have moving forward. As far as teaching her compensatory strategies, it is most helpful for the family to learn this information because your Mom won't remember it or be able to apply it on her own. This is a good time to work on family education. As Windy said, even if your Mom were to "accept" the diagnosis now, she's likely to forget about it in the future.   Some people don't feel comfortable in support groups. It's okay for your Mom to make her own decision about this. Same thing with sharing her personal medical history with people outside her immediate family. At some point, your family is going to need to make decisions for your Mom and it's best to make them according to what your Mom would want, not what you want. Listen and learn from her now while you can. I'm sorry you are facing this diagnosis.

harshedbuzz

newyawker-

This is a difficult situation. I am sorry you find yourself here.

While some PWD do know of their diagnosis, many have some degree of anosognosia which prevents them from being able to appreciate the degree to which they have lost critical cognitive skills for independent living. In other words, they don't know what they don't know. In a way, this is a blessing. 

With my dad, early on he had a sense he'd had some cognitive shift and recalled his mixed dementia diagnosis, but over time he forgot for which I am grateful. Dad's neurologists did tell him of his diagnosis; we never actually discussed it with him as the prognosis is devastating and he was past the point where he had the cognition to process the information.

He did have significant depression and anxiety which were treated medically by a geriatric psychiatrist. By the time dad was diagnosed, talk-therapy would have been pointless- he didn't have the working memory or fully intact executive function skills to learn the new skills to manage his emotions nor the ability to recognize when he needed to apply them IRL. 

That said, you could probably benefit greatly from a support group and possibly from some counseling for yourself so that you can best support your mom. The second thing I did after dad was diagnosed, was to find a support group and psychiatrist/therapist for my mom who was his primary caregiver.

HB

Michael Ellenbogen

I find that most people out there are useless to speak to and can only make it worse from my experience.  They are not geared to people living with dementia. I would recommend getting antidepressant for depression medication as its the best thing I ever did. 

IDrive3

My situation is different.  My sister was diagnosed with EO almost 4 years ago.  She has always accepted her diagnosis.  I don't know if anyone could help someone do that.  We both had prior experience with counselling and were interested in speaking to someone after her diagnosis.  I was able to get a list of therapists from our local Alz chapter.  They all have experience working with PWD and/or caregivers.  (Some specialize in caregiver stress!)  We each found someone who works for us.  I don't think my sister remembers what they talk about in order to work on something on her own between calls, but she enjoys the calls and feels better afterward.  So, I would recommend contacting your local chapter to see if they have a similar list.  You'd have to be okay with your mom setting her own therapy goals though.