Helping mom adjust

softie87042

Hi everyone, my mom moved into MC a couple of weeks ago and has been having a hard time. I understand this is normal/to be expected for someone with her condition (they think she has FTD but we will find out for sure on Monday; she is 67).

I live far away (3,000 miles + 3 time zones) and my mom tries to hide her condition from me when we talk on the phone (she is in denial anything is wrong). I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on things I can say that may comfort her, without "shooting down" the facility, so to speak. Is that even possible when dealing with someone with dementia?

I imagine there are a lot of similar posts on this forum, but I wasn't able to find any via search. So if someone has a specific link to share, I'd love to read it.

My sister and I are so relieved she is finally getting the care she needs, even if she thinks she doesn't need it. It has been one year since I've seen them, so it has been a lot to process emotionally on top of everything we (as a human race!) have been through this past year.

Thank you for reading.

Deanna_M

Hi- I went through this with my mom when we moved her into a MC facility. It was heartbreaking!

What I did was to make the move seem temporary. We had told her that her doctor wanted her there for a "sleep study," because she had acknowledged that she was having trouble sleeping. When she would ask to go back home, we would tell her that "we will check with the doctor." And, "it should be soon...we just need the doctor's okay."

And, we had told her that her old apartment was being painted and the rugs were being changed while she was away. That was our explanation for why we had to move all her furniture and personal items into the new place.

I felt horrible for lying to her and it made me sad that she so completely accepted what I said. But I also know that it provided comfort for her to think that it was temporary.

We also worked with the MC facility to give her activities and tasks that would make her feel like part of the community. They had her read the prayer at their weekly worship service, had her pass out snacks to residents, and encouraged her to play piano to entertain the residents. She enjoyed the responsibility and felt like she was helping others.

Hang in there! This will pass. It will be tough in the short-term, but please feel good knowing that you did the right thing: your mom is safe, cared for, and she is getting what she needs.