confused(4)

caberr

My DH and I are planning on taking a trip to FL for April.  We are going to an area we know and is not crowded.  The condo is in a small complex and the beach is across the street  We will go to the grocery store and maybe lunch or dinner at the restaurant down the beach (if not crowded) where we can sit outside.  I feel comfortable that we will be safe from the virus.  My cousin lives during the winter in the same complex.  My brother is not far.  They are all being very careful.

All of a sudden my husband is getting nervous about the virus and being away from home for a month. He knows the area, not the condo itself but we have stayed at my cousins quite a few times.  I know once we get there he will be ok as he really likes it there. 

He says he will go because it will make me happy and if he wants to go home he will.  According to him someone can pick him up from the airport! He can't fly alone!! But knowing how worried he is, is not making me happy.    I don't know if he is really nervous about the virus or if he is afraid to be away.  He's never been nervous about being away before.  I thought I could tell him we can go home anytime he wants.   I really would love to get away but not sure if we should go.   

Ed1937

Is there a chance he could be vaccinated before you would go? That might relieve his thoughts about covid. If I remember correctly, you are a younger couple. Try to get in as much as you can while you still have the opportunity. The time will come when it will be out of the question. Just try to be as safe as possible.

anneleigh

Great idea for planning a trip in April!  As Ed suggests, getting vaccinated would be the next best thing to put your mind at ease.  Now that you know that you will be going I highly recommend you not mention the trip for awhile and you keep all the details to yourself.  The less he knows the better!    Your husband will only have anxiety and it will not help you at all.  Also let the airport personnel know your husband has dementia when getting bags checked and going through the scanner.  Recently we went on a trip and the personnel were so kind and attentive to my DH.  Have medications on hand and an extra depends ready just in case.  It is great you will have support with you!

If you can travel now while husband is lucid enough and enjoy happy times,  go for it!  My last 6 months I have made every effort to enjoy going places with husband safely knowing these will probably be his most trips he has done in awhile.  Husband is going downhill faster and I may not be able to do this in another year.  I am so grateful my husband is getting vaccinated this Friday.  I wish I could, but am younger then he.

Enjoy and keep us informed how it goes in April~

Take care

caberr

Thank you both,   He did say he wanted the vaccine and I'm hoping we can get it soon.  He just turned 69 last week and I am 68,  I too feel that we should do what we can while he's still able.  It's hard when I know he is nervous about it.   

Donr

At the age you gave you should be able to get the shot.

caberr

So today he says yes he wants to go.  He even sounds a little excited especially when I told him I am trying to get appointments for the vaccine.

We live in MA.  They are setting up vaccine sites and going by phases.  We are phase 2 .  Phase 1 starts on Monday.  It think phase 2 may start in February.  As soon as appointments for phase 2 come up I'm hoping I won't have too much trouble getting one.

Keeping my fingers crossed he doesn't change his mind....again!  

  

Ed1937

Keep your eyes peeled as to when phase 2 will start. You will want to try getting the appointment as soon as you can. The spots really get taken fast. I hope you enjoy your trip.

caberr

Thanks Ed

caberr

Just a follow up.  Thanks to my daughter's help we were able to get our first vaccine last friday and the 2nd on the 26th which is 3 days before our trip.  I know the 2nd shot may cause some symptoms but hoping they don't last more than 24 hours.  I have started getting things together and will pack as much as I can before the vaccine.  

Yesterday he said he is looking forward to going.  We will have family around who are willing to help and I think the sun will be good for both of us!  

You are going to think I'm crazy but I've decided to drive.  I just want to get in the car and go!  Planning on taking our time, bringing our own food, a lot of wipes and a can of lysol!  

Ernie123

I am Canadian and my DW and I after we retired enjoyed traveling south for many years in February and March. We continued after she was diagnosed in 2012 for five more years. But each year she became more apprehensive about traveling. In 2017 I had to cancel a reservation just before we were leaving to go because she was so upset about leaving home. I also realized if anything happened to me while we were away, it would be a huge problem as she could not drive or help in any way. So perhaps you may have a year or two when you can enjoy a break away, but I would caution that you should be aware of the reality that anxiety and insecurity are common with dementia as it progresses, especially in an unfamiliar environment away from the security of home. By then even traveling a short distance to visit grandchildren for a weekend became a stressor. She didn’t enjoy being away because she felt disoriented  and would constantly ask when are we going home. She now lives a memory care facility and has adjusted to it as a place of security.

Joe C.

caberr, The TSA has a program that you can pre-register for assistance with with security clearance if you are traveling with someone with disabilities. See link below. I also live in MA and the last time I flew with DW out of Logan I used this service and it was a GREAT help. A dedicated TSA agent walked us through the screening, bypassing the lines and making sure we did not get separated. I would highly recommend looking into this program.

 https://www.tsa.gov/travel/passenger-support

Ed1937

caberr wrote:

Thanks to my daughter's help we were able to get our first vaccine last friday and the 2nd on the 26th which is 3 days before our trip.  I know the 2nd shot may cause some symptoms but hoping they don't last more than 24 hours.  

It sounds like you got the Pfizer vaccine. That's what we got, and only had very minor soreness at the site of injection for one day. Same thing with the second dose.

Enjoy your trip to it's fullest!

Jeff86

I do not think you are crazy to drive!

The last flight for my DW was summer 2019, when I realized flying was becoming too stressful—for both of us.  Navigating through airports is challenging—too many people, too much noise, too much distraction.  Then there are bathroom challenges, especially if you can’t locate a family restroom—my DW can’t manage the bathroom on her own and I am not comfortable sending her off to a ladies’ room by herself.

Then there’s the plane itself.  The noise and vibrations of the plane can cause some anxiety for PWD’s.  And if my DW needed to use the bathroom on the plane?  Helping her in the tight setting?  Changing depends on the plane?

We as caregivers want to maximize the quality time we have, but we also each have to evaluate when the anxieties outweigh the pleasures.  Road trips may extend your travel opportunities.

Drive safely and enjoy!

Gig Harbor

Trying to help in the bathroom on a plane is a nightmare waiting to happen. Trying to change poopy clothes would be impossible and having the person sit back in their seat without being changed would be so unfair to everyone around you. Driving is much more controllable.

caberr

Thanks all!  I feel better about driving. And I'm actually looking forward to it.  

Joe, thanks for the link.   We went to FL in December when my mother in law died and it was very stressful at the airports and on the plane. I will check into this for the future.  

Crushed, we got the Moderna.  2/26 and then again 3/26.  

caberr

Another update.  We cannot leave on March 29 as planned.  My husband fell while running and broke his collar bone. The dr says he doesn't need surgery unless he wanted to or the bones don't heal. (dr suggested no surgery)  If no surgery there will be a bump on his shoulder.  We go back to the dr on 4/5 and if all is well, no surgery needed and we get the ok we will go.  

It has been a very stressful and tiring 3 days!  He is sleeping in the recliner and me on the couch. Getting up every few hours or so to use the bathroom.  Hoping to get him upstairs to bed (head of bed raises) tonight.  I will put a gate by the stairs, have a motion detector light bulb in the hall but tell him to still wake  me up if he needs to use the bathroom.  I am realizing now we need grab bars in the bathroom for the toilet and the shower.   I will get them done as soon as I can. 

He has a sling which needs to be adjusted all the time.  Took a day or so for him to believe he had a real sling.  Kept saying we need to get a real one.  I found a shirt that will go over the sling and help hold his arm to his body.  That has been a challenge.

Today he is thinking he may want surgery to get rid of the bump.  I'm not sure it's a good idea and told him the dr says there is no rush for surgery. Has any of  you had a loved one who needed surgery and did it affect ALZ?   I am  worried about the anesthesia and wondering if it will make things worse.  

We get our 2nd moderna vaccine tomorrow.  Trying to be positive on reactions.  

Thanks all for listening. There is always something!

jfkoc

You are so right...there is always something. To me driving allows more control and freedom which makes me sleep easier.

There are medical "rails" you can buy that fit around a toilet. I have been looking at buying some for me.

M1

so sorry for the unexpected complication caberr, I know you were looking forward to this getaway.  But I think you're right to defer on surgery if at all possible, the anesthesia and the pain post-op might be very difficult to deal with.  Glad to hear you got vaccinated though....given what's gone on in FL with spring break it might be better that your trip has gotten deferred for a bit.

caberr

We are here!  Got the ok from the dr on Monday the 5th.  Left that day and stayed with my mom in NJ that night.  Got to FL on Wed 4/7.  Trip wasn't bad but I am going to take an extra day on the way home.  

Took a couple of days but my husband is adjusting to the condo.  And we have family here who have been great!  My brother took him yesterday for a ride and they went to an old record shop which he really enjoyed. I am getting so much help which makes me realize how much I need it!

His collar bone is healing and he is starting to do a little more on his own.  We have a call with his dr on Monday the 19th then see him when we get home.   

I'm happy to be here and I think he is too!  

M1

So glad you made it for so many reasons!  Enjoy, I hope it's a great respite for both of you.

David J

Sounds like it’s great for both of you. Fantastic!  Have a good time!

Ed1937

I'm glad you were able to get away for a while. Enjoy it as much as possible.

jfkoc

Thanks for the update.

Driving affords so much freedom. I have friends who always take 6 days to do a 3 day max trip. They always go a different route and have a wonderful time.

Please do update us on your return journey.

anneleigh

Glad you got to Fl.  Enjoy your trip~

Potsie

Good for you! You are really brave, that's a long way to go. I hope you can soak up the sun and that you have a wonderful time.

caberr

Thanks all. It has been up and down.  One day he is good another he is more confused.  I am glad we are where we are because he knows the area.  He knows the mile mark on the beach where we need to get the steps back to the condo. He was upset with me yesterday because I wouldn't let him go down to the beach alone.  He asked me if he really is that bad.  

I have great support here!  And I'm loving it!  

caberr

We are home!  It was a long trip down and back but being in FL with family was so good for both of us.   My brother took my husband out a few times alone which gave me a much needed break. My cousins were in the same complex and spent time with both of us on the beach and at the pool.   We went to a restaurant on the beach, outside dining.  There was a band and my husband really loves music so he totally enjoyed it.  There were 6 of us and we were all so happy at how happy he was!   Got lots of pictures.  We even got up early one morning and went to Titusville to see the manned rocket go up!  

He traveled ok but toward the middle of the afternoon was ready to stop.  Was a little nerve racking when we stopped at rest areas.  I stayed with him until he went into the men's room and met him right outside the door.  We visited my mom in NJ, another brother in SC and everyone was so helpful.  

I am happy we went.  He was confused at night, which made for some long nights.  Now we are home he seems to be less confused. 

His collar bone is healing and he can use his arm.  Goes back to dr on Monday the 10th and I'm guessing PT will start.  

I realized I need more help here at home.  I sent an email to my kids (5) explaining what is going on and asking for someone to come once a week.   So happy they all responded positively! 

Thank you all!

M1

Glad it worked out caberr.  A good memory for you to have-