Technology

Cherie Lee

My mother keeps trying to log in to FB, her email, etc and is constantly blaming the internet company and/fb for her troubles.  She calls me asking for help.  I live just a little over an hour away, not that far.  But she has been hitting the wrong keys when she is trying to log in.  When/how do you need to approach the subject of possibly transitioning off of the electronics?

M1

I would suggest quit trying to rescue her and just tell her you're sorry she's having problems.  I would not bring up discontinuing, with her, as she'll probably resist you.  Let her blame FB and the internet, and just say something along the lines of gee that's too bad, I wonder if other people in your area are having problems.

My partner was having similar issue, but getting off her of the computer altogether was made easier by the fact that she was never that tech savvy to begin with, and we don't get good internet signal in her bedroom (all internet in our rural area is satellite).  Well before we removed her access altogether, she fell for one of the telephone scams and gave someone remote access to her hard drive when I wasn't here.  Just this morning, she said she wished she had access to something simple so that she could look things up on Google.  I just defer and say maybe we'll look at something when the pandemic is over, etc.

Do you have POA for your mother?  If so, you could cancel the internet service.  If not, you probably need to assess whether she'll try to call people other than you for help who might scam her.  This is a big signal to you that it's probably time to intervene.....if she can't handle the logins, she probably doesn't need to be on there at all.  

good luck, this is not easy....

Ginsamae

I agree with M1 - quit trying to rescue her. I know from first-hand experience that it is a losing battle and the stress of dealing with it just isn't worth it.

 My MIL lives with us and is constantly locking herself out of her online accounts and such because she can't remember the passwords. DH (who keeps a master record of her logins and passwords) will periodically login to her bank account and credit cards just to make sure that she isn't giving away tons of money. Both DH and I have told her that it's up to her to call the bank/credit card/whatever company to have them help her reset her passwords but, of course, she can't do it/doesn't remember to do it. Since MIL has consistently refused to sign any POAs we don't have any legal standing to do these types of things for her.

DH and I are considering removing her bank account & credit card account info from her desktop while she is next out of town visiting Sib #3 for their turn to 'share in the care' of MIL. We doubt MIL will even notice the icons have been removed when she returns.

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