Believing things that aren’t real

Ssue

My DH will make up stories and be angry when I tell him no. For example, thinks we have more than one dog,or that he drove a car to the store when he clearly was with me driving he then says we must go get his car and why did I leave it.  Today he walked out of a store and out on the sidewalk before I caught up with him. He said some “guy had dropped him off and they were waiting for me, didn’t even remember he was in the store with me.Or why are we coming to this house we need to go to our other house. We don’t have another. He says he is tired of my lying to him when he”knows” he is correct. He claims I move his imaginary things so he can’t find them.

 I don’t know how to answer.I know I am to be calm not correct or get angry but I am so frustrated 

This is just getting worse and worse. He has been wanting a bulldog so I am in the process of getting him one thinking it would give him joy and maybe give him something to focus on.

I don’t maybe it is a mistake 

Sorry for the rant I just don’t know how to handle this and I sure fail at not losing my temper. 

jfkoc

There is nothing easy about your husbands reality differing from yours. Staying calm is good. Accepting his reality is good too Trying to change what he believes is true will get you no where.

So.....in the interest of both of you see if you can go with the flow. Identify the emotion your husband is feeling then go with the flow as much as possible. Correcting, reasoning, argueing?  Those almost always lead to a lose/lose.

Tow dogs? One is at the vets or living with a relative. Waiting to get picked up? Give those guys a call not to bother. Why this house? You need to pick up something or the heating works better.

Ssue

Thank you for your help and understanding! God bless you

I have to learn to go with the flow

Ed1937

I know this is hard to deal with. My wife thinks we have more than one dog too. I hear it every single day. But so far, this is the only thing that is so far from reality. Please don't try to change his thinking. It will not work. Try to change the subject when things get too far from reality.

David J

I’ve told the story here before, so I’ll give the short version. My DW’s delusion was that a woman she knew was stalking her. Unfortunately, she included me: “but you were there, why are you denying it!?”  I promised to call and tell the woman to back off. The next time the delusion came, she believed that the woman had been in the house and I had chased her off. It escalated until one day it just went away. Poof.

Cynbar

Oh my, this is all so familiar. And you are right, it is very frustrating. My DH has delusions on a regular basis, sometimes multiple times in a day. He says he worked all day and played 9 holes of golf on the way home --- that hasn't happened for years. He thinks certain old friends came by to visit today ----- they haven't been here in years. He thinks there is a meeting going on in our living room --- right now, and why am I not feeding them dinner when I make ours? It is impossible to reason with him or correct him, his brain is broken and he can't do better. I do have a few words of encouragement, however. Medication was very helpful at taking the edge off his agitation, he is easier to redirect now. Zyprexa worked for him but I know other posters here have had luck with other meds. And, I have to say that I have gotten better at dealing with it. I try to stay as calm as possible and use a low, soothing voice --- it was clear to me early on that his anxiety increased tenfold when I get upset. I almost never argue or correct him, what's the point? I've learned to better identify what needs to be addressed , and what I can just let sail on by me. And I've gotten pretty good at coming up with fiblets that will satisfy him. If he thinks his car is missing, I tell him his sister borrowed it and forgot to tell him. If he's worried about the meeting in the living room, I tell them they have a dinner engagement elsewhere. And, on and on and on. Of course, it still can be exhausting and frustrating. But things here are better than they once were, so there is hope.

Iris L.

Ssue wrote:

 He has been wanting a bulldog so I am in the process of getting him one thinking it would give him joy and maybe give him something to focus on.

This is not a good idea.  Your DH is already unable to focus due to brain damage caused by the dementia.  He will not suddenly become focused; he certainly will be unable to care for or relate to a dog.  If you are frustrated, how will a dog feel, which relies on consistency in its human guardians?  If necessary, there are robotic dogs available, or even a stuffed dog. 

Iris L.

manthorn

I am not sure that anything I say here will bring comfort or clarity. But, know you are not alone!

My DH also has his episodes. The scariest one still appears here and there. He believes there are cannibals and tells me I could not imagine the things he has seen.  I have gone so far as to tell him that our town has "sprayed" for them and we are safe. Believe it or not, that worked when I said it. The last time he had blood drawn, he believed there were vampires. He even claimed I was one when I removed the bandage.

 He is in the last stage of the disease and episodes such as these yet not as scary are a daily event. 

I wish I could say that I handle it well. I don't all the time. There are times that I just loose it and say something dumb. It is better to meet them where they are and try to stay calm. 

Crushed

Just for humor. (I've told this before)

  DW and I always took showers together.  She would then dry her hair which took a while and in the meantime I would pull out all her clothes etc for the day and put them on the bed the way she always did.   She would come out, see the clothes, and be easily convinced she had already put them out earlier.  It prevented  an hour of "clothes searching".  

Sometimes a delusion is useful

billS

Your story sounds really familiar to me Ssue. Delusions combined with anger put you in a no-win situation. My wife was constantly getting mad at me, insisting that I get out of "her" house, called the sheriff twice, etc. Things are much calmer now that she is on Seroquel 25mg 3 times per day. But I think the biggest factor in reducing her agitation has been me getting better at not trying to argue or reason with her. It's very hard to do, but lately I've managed to be her trusted friend most of the time by acting as just that: a trusted friend instead of that bossy guy always telling her she is wrong. The combination of meds and my behavior change are making life much easier for us both. Now her delusions seldom escalate beyond her being confused about where our second dog went (only have one dog) instead of getting angry at me for disagreeing with her. I'm sure more difficult times are coming but for now things are a bit easier.

abc123

Hi Susie, welcome to our family. I am glad you joined us. We learn so much from each other and we sincerely care about each other. 

I read your post a few times. Do you already have a dog? I strongly recommend not getting a bulldog for DH. I have pit bulls and a bull dog. Bull dogs have built in health problems due to their breed. They are also very stubborn and hard to train. I would worry that a bull dog would be a major cause of stress for you. Your plate is already over flowing. I hope I haven't hurt your feelings, that wasn't my intention. I only want to help. Im sorry your DH is having a difficult time with his behaviors. This disease sucks the most. I truly hate it for all of us. 

I think you are doing a great job taking care of your husband and everything else that you are doing. He is blessed to have you. Again, welcome to our family. There is no question or subject that you can't ask about. We are always here for you. I hope you have a peaceful day.

JDancer

My spouse is also delusional. It leads to rage. I have been rereading these responses for the last couple of days. The advice is good. I hope I can remember it the next time he starts screaming.

Stay calm, don't argue. Easier said than done.

Ed1937

JDancer wrote:

Stay calm, don't argue. Easier said than done.

But the payoff is huge!

Ssue

Thank you all for your responses.

It is so good to have a place where people understand and realize I am trying my best to make him happy.

God bless you all and thank you!