New to this board(4)

DeeLan

I am the sole caregiver to my husband, age 75. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2012 which seems like eons ago! I retired early to enjoy the ‘good years’ before Alzheimer’s took over. We moved from Minnesota to Arizona where we lived for 6 years. Life became very challenging for me because he didn’t want me to be out of his sight - literally. It was completely ruining my health - I started drinking more than usual and dropped to 94 lbs.!  Our son came to visit and STRONGLY encouraged us to move back to MN where our family resides. We moved back & them I had major open heart surgery and was in the hospital for 9 days. My husband stayed with our son and our daughter stayed 5 days with me. Once home - I had to jump right back into caregiver mode. We moved a year ago into a beautiful Senior Living complex. There are 3 levels - independent (which we are), assisted and memory care. The pandemic has made life challenging for EVERYONE. We’ve basically been in Stay st Home mode since March, 2020. I am seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression and she directed me to this site. All of you know what we’re all going through so I appreciate your comments and feedback on the way you live your daily life with an Alzheimer’s spouse/parent.

MimiMinder

Welcome to the boards. What we are doing is not easy. I care for my mother and some days seem never ending. One thing that helped me was coming up with my own, personal ABCs of Caregiving. I can't say I do this every day, but it does help me regain focus after particularly challenging times. I share it here with you, in hopes it might be a tiny bit of help.

My ABC’s of Caregiving
Appreciate the little things Be in the moment Celebrate what is possible Do what feels right Extend love Forgive yourself Get to know the ‘new’ person Hold on to what works for you and let the rest go Ignite passion Jump into their world Kick up your self-care Let go of hurtful comments  Make new memories Name your feelings Open up to others Prepare for next steps, but don’t obsess about ‘what if...’ Question everything you don’t understand from authority figures Resist carrying the burden alone Simply be present Talk with others who are traveling on a similar path Understand some things are totally out of your control Value your incredible worth as a caregiver Wallow when needed, but don’t let it own you Xhale deeply Yell in your head, but not at your loved one Zero in on one good thing, no matter how small, from each and every day

LicketyGlitz

Well first of all, DeeLan, with all you've been through I give you a standing ovation for strength and courage!

Secondly, in response to how we are living our caregiving lifestyle is with one p/t live-in caregiver for 4 days a week and my sister and I take Mom on for the rest. It's tough to find people during COVID, but I highly recommend adding some additional caregiver power to your dementia team.

Hang in there!

Quilting brings calm

I am amazed that you were able to do what you have done for over 8 years.  I’m also amazed that your husband is doing well enough that you can be in independent living.  My LO has only been diagnosed about a year and she and my Dad are in assisted living.  Dad isn’t able to take care of her on his own. He’s 81 and is starting to seem physically frail.    I’m actually wondering how long my PWD can be in assisted living. 

Please take care of yourself,  8+ years of being the sole caregiver is very hard. 

Katy Mac

Someone I know uses Granny Nannies. 

https://grannynannies.com/Dallas

You might try an herbal stress supplement.

katewilson36

HI Deelan,

Welcome ! You are not alone in this journey. I am going through the struggle with my mother . 

So I understand where you are coming from.

I am here if you ever want to talk or ask questions or suggestions

I am a full time caregiver for my mother, so I am well aware of the struggle and requirements that it has on us.

Hope to hear from you !
Have a good

Kate 

Wilted Daughter

Hi DeeLan and welcome!

After putting my things in storage and moving into home with mom, now my home, I've been attempting to organize things (declutter), obtain proper full-body medical treatment for mom (treatment, recognition of dementia/Anosognosia), prepare for transition/future.

Let me say it's been an uphill battle, but I keep plucking away by striving toward the goals. There are long-term and short-term goals that are completed as the opportunity arises. Example, if mom complains about money then I cancel overpriced TV service and replace with better alternative option which she at first complains about but learns to accept. The lack of self-awareness (everything is fine) is most problematic for me. When services are obtained she informs (PCP, VNA, PT) she is fine which makes it difficult for them to justify continued services. 

Live your life to the fullest each day focus equally, if not more, on the positive experiences. Remember to take time for yourself, perhaps your family can stay for a day or your husband go to their house while you spend time taking care of you and doing things you like (one or twice a week). Keep looking forward for better things to happen. 

Teachertee

Mimi-

This is so helpful (the ABC's of caregiving).  I want to show this to my father.  Thank you!

Teachertee

Dee Lan,

Welcome to the board.  I am new here too.  I have been sort of reading and lurking so far and have found it very helpful to read up as much as possible on here, in order to help my father who is the primary caregiver of my mother (PWD).  

I am glad you are living in an independent living situation and there are care options there moving forward.

Wishing you the best as you navigate this journey.

DJOrchid

I am a sole caregiver. My DH was diagnosed this past summer of major cognitive impairment. Not sure what that means but I was told he shouldn't be left alone for long periods of time.  In the last three years I have seen a side I have never seen of my DH.  He is easily agitated and has resulted in him hitting me. It appears he doesn't remember what he did and fortunately I haven't been hurt just bruised physically and emotionally. Yesterday he attacked our daughter who comes to help clean. He just pushed her into a room and slammed the door. I am at a loss on what to do. I do not feel comfortable calling the police on someone who doesn't know what he is doing. I have sent a message to his primary and asked him to consult with his neuro doctor. I am exhausted and afraid to talk to my DH about his behavior. I am so stressed out. Thus the reason for my joining this forum.

MPerez01

Thank you.

MPerez01

Hi,

My mom was diagnosed in 2014 with early onset Alzheimer’s and most recently there have been some changes but she is still able to take care of herself (bathing, dressing herself, making her bed and making coffee). She no longer cooks. She will prepare crackers with butter with coffee and eats fruits, little snacks. She once in a while will blame me for something I didn’t do. She loves her 10 month grandchild, lights up every time she sees her. I’ve been able to work from home since COVID, but now I will be returning to work and I’m seeking services. It helped that mom went to a senior center but with COVID that’s on hold.  My aunt has agreed to keep her company for several hours. I’m looking into agencies in Rochester, NY that have a good record to compensate my aunt.