Finding out that handling the impossible, is possible....

storycrafter

In all the scenarios over the years I could imagine I'd find myself, it was never what I'm doing now ... 68 years old, out of shape, dealing with Crohn's/IBS attacks and an FTD husband, single-handedly clearing out my dad's independent living apartment and completing his financial affairs with the retirement complex; doing it in less than a month ... an hour away from where I live, driving alone through miles and miles of heavy construction and Denver, driving back after hours of demanding work, loading up the car each time, long trek back and forth from hilly parking lot to his apartment on the fourth floor ... in the winter time.

I don't feel comfortable asking friends for help because of Covid. They're saying the new variant has now hit CO and it's more contagious than ever. All the assistance the retirement complex had for resident services before the pandemic is gone - e.g. no estate sales, no consignment shop, no donation pickups. I have to take care of it all myself, or hire it done privately, meeting their special requirements, including scheduling and extra costs to satisfy the Covid "rules."

Feel sorry for me yet? LOL! I should've titled this a "Poor Me" letter. Sorry. Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm also trying madly to get it done now, while I'm well. If anything happens to me, a common cold hits, I will have no energy left for it.

My siblings, except for one who is emotionally overwrought and having her own crisis and adding more stress, all live out of state, too far to drive/travel during the pandemic. The plan was we would all come together and help each other when Dad passed. I could never have imagined these circumstances. 

It's a humorous note that, a couple months ago I signed up to lead a book club study (via Zoom) this month on Pema Chodron's book, 'Welcoming the Unwelcome.' Isn't that a hoot?! I had to cancel leading it today; had really been looking forward to learning from the discussion.

Don't worry; I've spent days on the phone, called all over the place, stuck my neck out and hired some unknown movers, hired another company to come after the movers for everything else; am able to cajole/finesse my ill husband after a few days of emotionally prepping him, who on rare occasion will come with me to help load the car (which is a huge help really); recruited one friend who is an amazing godsend, to help me with the apartment. And we might be done just in time to avoid another month's residence fee... if there are no snow storms to delay things, and if I can get the keys and paperwork signed in ... by a week from Friday.

Needless to say - but I will say it because it's no small thing - I've compartmentalized my own mourning so I can go through my parents' lifetime of things and get the impossible job done. Since there is so little time, some of it I'm just grabbing, throwing into boxes and bringing home to sort later.

Ohmygosh I MUST quit this woebegone note; can't believe I dare send it. Thank you for being my safe place. Wishing all of you well! Thanks for listening and letting me get some of it off my chest. It's a relief to get it out of my head and you're very kind to have read this far. ~ Helen

Mint

Helen, Glad to listen and understand how you feel.  Have many of those same feelings myself.  Hope you get to catch your breath before too long.  

Take care

Ed1937

WOW! It's amazing how much you can get done while still caregiving. You are a very strong woman.

David J

Storycrafter- 

You can sure do it all!  I wish I had your energy, and also your ability to write. You laid it all out without any self pity, and what I read was about a woman finding strength in adversity. I’m sorry about your dad, and that you had to do it all yourself. Good on ya!

Lorita

Hi Storycrafter,

 Isn't it wonderful that we have this safe place to come and say what we feel?  You have your hands full, for sure.  It seems it always turns out that one member of the family has to do most of the things and it has for you.  Please be safe on those trips back and forth.  I know Charles was a big help in lifting and moving things for me and he felt like he was helping - and he was, for sure. 

 Please be careful and safe.

LadyTexan

Dear Storycrafter,

You are amazing and strong and courageous. You have so much on your plate and you tackle it head on. You triumph with grace. You are an inspiration.

Stay safe and be well.

God bless you.

-LT

janeymack

Bravo, Storycrafter! Vent, rant, scream, cry...whatever keeps you going! We will always be here.

There's always meditation videos on Youtube to help you breathe and relax when you get a moment of peace to yourself or to quiet your brain to fall asleep.

storycrafter

Thank you, all of you, for your encouraging words. They help build me up.

I get as much done as I can each day. Movers come next Tuesday!

Blessings and strength to you also....

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storycrafter

Victoria, I like the way you think. Good ideas! Thank you. I'm ready for a massage, and a week at the spa.