I have no patience!

caberr

Lately I am not very patient with DH.  He is still able to do things for himself but I am just tired! Tired of making breakfast, lunch and dinner, paying the bills, cleaning the house, laundry, picking up the mess that he makes, doing things he needs now, and tired of this pandemic!  Just plain tired!  Being tired and patience don't go together! I need to get out of this funk, don't like feeling this way.  

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out!  

ladyzetta

Dear Caberr,

I am sorry you feel this way but I totally understand. Things will not get easier so I recommend you plan ahead for some additional care your DH will be needing. I did the best I could for as long as I could taking care of my DH after 5 years it was time to place him knowing he would get the care he needed. I also had a caregiver come into our home to help me with things I could  not do. You know what you can do as far as your patience goes so I recommend for you to start planning. Take Care we are here for you. Hugs Zetta  

French

Dear Caberr, we understand you. I do the same + a full time job + children 

You need holidays. Find a solution to have 15 days alone (not less). I did that during Christmas holidays. Even the 24th evening And Christmas Day alone was a great relief.

My partner mother took him at home. I think she was completely exhausted and demoralized after that, but I did what I wanted during this time, slept a lot. Now everything is easier for me and it’s better for everybody. We need to take breaks enough to recharge the batteries.

I think his mother won’t do it again (she is 77) but I will find other solutions. I know that it’s a key point.

caberr

Ladyzetta, thanks for the hugs!  He is not ready now but I do need to plan ahead. I've been told by my mom and friends that I should.   It is just depressing knowing its going to get worse! 

French, you are very lucky to have had that time.  A friend of his took him for a weekend and it was good for both him and me! 

Today I am feeling a little better.   Got calls yesterday from 2 friends.  Went for a long walk with one.  It's funny how there are times when I feel so down I get a call from one or both of these friends.  It's like they know. 

Thanks

Ernie123

So sorry to hear your stress. It is hard to be self aware of your own burnout when you are focused on caregiving. But you can only do so much alone. Have you reached out to the Alzheimer’s Society? If you are lucky to have an active organization locally they will definitely be able to help you with your coping skills. Joining a support group who are all dealing with similar issues can be a big help in gaining perspective and releasing stress. Often workshops for caregivers are offered with specific goals to help caregivers. Daycare programs can give you a welcome 5 or 6 hours of respite time. Planning ahead is very important and the Society will have counseling to help guide you. When the time came for me to place my DW in memory care I could not have made the decision and move without the support and guidance of Society counselors and my family. Looking back I realize I was very stressed from 24/7 caregiving, suffering grief for the loss of our marriage relationship and suffering guilt from confusion and indecision on my part. In this context moving my DW  to memory care was extremely difficult but necessary for both of us. So I guess my point is to reach out and build some support relationships sooner than later so you will have that help when it is needed most. Throughout my life I had always viewed myself as a strong independent person who could handle whatever life threw at me. Wrong! When you have travelled the journey of seven or eight years of increasingly demanding caregiving you learn you do have limits on what you can do alone and it is a sign of strength to reach out for help, not weakness.

Dreamer Lost

I can certainly agree with being tired.  For me, I think the pandemic has pushed me over the edge from my usual positive, half-full, optimistic self to depressed.  The pandemic has taken even those small moments of joy we used to get, the once a month daycare at church where I could not only leave Dh but also talk with others about ALZ, the dinners out with another couple who's Dh also had ALZ, the ability to go to the gym and workout if I wanted, to get my hair done without worrying if it was a life or death appointment, to see family and friends also without worrying if they are infected. The continual bombardment of bad news on tv, crimes, political division and the increased deaths from covid .  I just hate this disease and this pandemic and can't wait for my vaccine!  Hang in there! (I'm hanging on by my fingertips)

White Crane

I hear you.  Taking care of everything around the house plus caring for another person is tiring.  If I don't get enough sleep and rest, it is even more difficult.  For me, I go through cycles of having more patience and feeling more upbeat.  The down times come back, of course, but I appreciate the better times.  I need enough sleep; a little time to myself each day; prayer; talking or texting with friends if even for a few minutes; good nutrition; and faith.  I hope you can get your rest.  You are not alone.

4Grams

Caberr, I understand the stress. My DH is having restlessness episodes and sundowning starting around 3 pm. Will not sleep at night. Going to the bathroom is a battle. Wants to go but will not sit on the commode. Poops and pees in the floor. I am getting sitters but I hate for someone to be in my house all the time. DH is taking 750 mg of Depakote a day and 1 mg of Risperdone. It is not helping. I’m tired! I know not to pray for patience so I pray for courage, strength and consideration. It is hard!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.