Hometown Help

lachlan1117

Joined some time ago, but first time posting.

My father (72) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple years ago, and probably within the mild/moderate range of the disease. I'm currently living at home with him and my mother and she is his primary caregiver (though I help when I'm able.)

More often than not, he'll have days where he says we have to drive back to his hometown, which is where we all still live. He says his parents live there, though they have passed away 20+ years ago. I believe the assumption here is he has to go see his parents, and he thinks he's currently in his old college town.

We do our best to redirect. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't. This afternoon seems to be a bit rough. He seems irritated with my Mom currently since he won't take him back 'home'

Does anyone have the same experiences? I'm running out of ideas to help deflect. Thanks for reading.

Marta

Hello - it is pretty typical, almost predictable, that our loved ones want to go home, even when they are home.  What they may be looking for is that time when home meant safety, love, and belonging.  With their broken brain, nothing may feel safe or loving. 

What is often suggested is that caregivers try to focus on making the loved one feel safe and loved, with statements such as:  we are all here together, we love one another, we will always love you and take care of you, you are so important to me, etc.

You can also reminisce about home:  what was the best part of being home?  Who do you miss seeing? Validate those feelings.  Just don't try to correct him or reason with him - that never works and just lays a foundation for mistrust and belligerence if he feels that his thoughts and feelings are not acknowledged.

Some have taken their loved one for a short car ride, only to return and announce  "We're home!!!"  This works sometimes.

lachlan1117

Thank you for reaching out Mom is attempting the car ride route right now. I hope it helps.

DPK

I can't believe this is the first thing that popped up today when I looked.  It's exactly the same thing that's happening with my DH.  All of what you have said is so similar to my recent experiences.  I will be watching carefully to see what ideas folks have to dealing with this.  I usually take him for a ride and then we come home, but today, he was irritated, hasn't said a word and is now in the living room crying.  I hope you can find ways to cope.  I know it's hard.

terei

Sometimes these behaviors are a result of anxiety + medications may be very effective.

lachlan1117

It has seemed like he's been anxious today. I'll see what his medication list is like.

Jgiles9289

I didn’t go through this in the same way many have shared but when I was caring for my mom and she was stuck on an idea, I would do the car ride to reset her (which typically worked) or I would deflect with a favorite treat because food seemed to be the only motivator for her. So when in doubt, I would bring out an ice cream bar or cookie and that seemed to work for me.