My Father has Alzheimer's but Is VERY resistent to do anything for his future.

RachelV

My father was diagnosed almost a year ago and has since dropped 2 points in 6 months on his MMSE.

He is reaching a point that the doctors are urging him to make POA decisions and to move closer to family. (he currently lives in Texas, 1.5 hrs away from my sister)

He pretty much refuses to acknowledge his issues and says he goes to the neurology appointments just to satisfy my sister and I but the doctor has told him and my sister that he is 1 point away from not being able to legally drive himself anymore.

My sister and I have no idea what to do since he will not let us make decisions for him.

Any help or advise would be much appreciated.

Also if there are any questions, I'd be happy to answer. I am new here and this is my first post, so I'm not sure of the usual information provided.

star26

If you can't get the POA now you're going to need to go to court down the road to get guardianship. Obtaining guardianship is a long, unpleasant, and expensive process and the person needs to be very incapacitated cognitively before it will be granted. It's best to be avoided, but you may not be able to if you can't get him to sign POAs. He may already associate a POA with the neurologist, but see if you can you leave dementia, health, and cognition out of it and make it just about estate planning because it's "something everyone should do just in case".  (I'm assuming linking it up to his condition is related to his objection? Many people with dementia are not able to recognize their deficits. So, if he doesn't think he has a problem, he won't think a POA is necessary unless you give him another reason.) Some adult children say they are doing it for themselves and have the parent come along and do it as well for a "deal" or "convenience" or whatever. Or maybe there is another ruse or reason that fits with your Dad's personality and concerns. If you think this might work, complete the papers with an elder law or estate attorney.  Make sure the POA is durable and ideally not "springing". If he deteriorates much more before signing POAs he may lose this option, so time is of the essence.  

P.S. Welcome to the forum! Hopefully, others will respond over the next few days with ideas and tips for you.  Many of us have been in your situation or similar.  It is extremely stressful and nerve-wracking to feel powerless but there are creative ways you can help him. 

Quilting brings calm

I would suggest that you read up on guardianship, talk to an attorney, and think long and hard about whether you want to do that, my step-father has refused to give me a POA, other than medical. I’m the only one of  his 3 children and my Moms 3 children that has anything to do with him. They got married when I was 5.  My Mom is the one with diagnosed dementia, although he may have undiagnosed MCI.   I do have her POA. 

I spoke to an attorney a year ago about guardianship.  He advised me not to do it and also told me that my step-father would be given an opportunity to resist. So I decided that I would not apply.  I’m not going to spend a bunch of money and have to be accountable to the court when he doesn’t want my help.  Like your Dad, my SF is an extremely stubborn individual and refuses to admit he needs  help.