Incessant calling

DMHM

My father is is progressing fast - and lives with my stepmom. He thinks he still has to go to work (although he is retired), and calls me & my sister incessantly (30-40 calls per day) to confirm that he doesn't have to go to work. We try to calm him and confirm everything is ok. I feel guilty if I can't answer - but it is difficult for me to work (i have a full time demanding job) and care for my 1 year old daughter. 

Is the constant calling / repetition common symptom? How do you cope with it? Thank you.

M1

Hi DMHM and welcome to the forum.  Yes, it's pretty common.  The alternatives seem to be just taking his phone away, or leaving the phone but discontinuing service, or just not answering.  None are easy.  But there are lots of folks here with similar experiences and who may be able to give more advice.

Teachertee

DMHM,

Welcome!  I am also new here and my mom was just diagnosed with dementia earlier in January.  She lives with my father who is sharp and fully functioning.  

My mother has been calling me and my sister multiple times a day asking us if we called her earlier.  She's getting mixed up with the recent calls on her iPhone call history and thinks the outgoing calls were actually incoming.  She forgets that she called an hour earlier to tell us something and if we don't answer she leaves voicemails with the same information she is telling us.  We both feel really guilty that we are letting a lot of the calls go to voicemail but don't want to miss an important call if either of them has an emergency.  

*My father fell in the garage and hit his head on the floor right before Christmas...leading to my mother driving him to the ER and not having the sense of direction anymore to get herself home in the dark from the hospital.  I missed the call because I thought she was calling for a repeat story or message and felt HORRIBLE!  It all worked out and she got in touch with my boyfriend.

Anyway, I feel your pain but it sounds like your father's calls are far more excessive.  I agree with what M1 said about not answering, although it is hard.  Maybe sifting through voicemails and assigning a time of day where you call him to check in?  Could be in the morning with a reminder that there is no work today due to retirement or a "doesn't it feel great to be retired" comment to start the conversation.  Just a thought!  Also, maybe a retirement banner could be hung up near the telephone to help remind him that it happened? Or paper calendar that says No Work in each day's box?

Wishing you the best as you navigate this issue.

Tara

DMHM

thank you so much for our suggestions. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. She is very lucky to have you and your dad caring for her. My Dad lives with my step mom - so we asked her to put up lots of reminders up all over the house to help. Until then, I do feel very guilty not answering his calls - so i try to answer as much as i can. I guess it's unfortunately another symptom. Thank you again!

DMHM

Thank you : )