Is she being stubborn, or is it really too much for her??

Saya_G

Mom's been sleeping and staying in bed more, when she first started I asked her if she was tired, said she was bored. She is in moderate to late stage, she seems to know who her kids are - even though she gets us confused with each other - her short term memory is nonexistent.

Sis is really worried that Mom is in bed too much. Mom has been having physical therapy, but hasn't been doing any exercises in between. So all that the physical therapy seems to be doing to making her tired, we've seen no benefit! Per the therapist - if she is not going to do exercises in-between visits, and especially continue after they stop coming (which is today) - there will be no benefit.

Mom will NOT do for my sis and me what she will do for the therapists - Mom still sees herself as still being our boss - we are her kids, and so she refuses to do for us what she doesn't want to do. Not to be rebellious, but because she it too polite to tell the therapists no! Telling us no doesn't seem to be that hard for her.

Today she is, once again, refusing get up (happens often these days). Her incontenance is worse - maybe because it is so hard for her to get out of bed - due to her weak legs, so the leg pain makes it so that she she doesn't want. to try. She will usually get up around 3 to 4p, only when it is time for her and my sis to have an evening meal (they go to a restaurant most every night). Sooooooo maybe maybe she really is staying in bed because she is bored! Who knows?!

My sister is suffering burn out - I can't do any more than I am doing. I visited with mother's visiting nurse earlier this week, nurse said that it may be time for a facility - they will get her up the nurse said! They will also have activities for her to do.

My mom has always said that we are NEVER to put her in a facility - but honestly I wondering if the nurse is right!

What do all of you think????

Quilting brings calm

I would listen to the expert ... the nurse.  Especially since your sister is suffering from burnout, exhaustion and her own memory lapses.  Your Mom cannot continue to set all the rules and force you to allow her to ignore the medical advice.

M1

I agree with above, she may thrive in MC and it would give your sister a chance to recoup and address her own health.

I would bet almost certainly that she can't cooperate with the physical therapy more than won't.

BarbaraG

We have the same problem with my mother in law. She just wants to sleep.  We put her in 2 different facilities and it was not helpful at all.  Just very expensive!  She can sleep at home cheaper than in a facility.  Plus... all the facilities in my area are full of covid and short staffed so she wasn't getting the basics like fluids.  She was dehydrated when I took her out of there last week.

Good luck.

Barbara

harshedbuzz

Saya-

I would urge you to consider placement if only because your sister is burned out. Care at home is not always best- sometimes the lack of outside support, personalities and history between care-partners makes quality care at home unworkable.

My mom kept dad at home probably longer than she should have. He had been the dominant person in their relationship and refused her attempts at doing what was best for him. He would showtime when his PT showed up but would refuse to do his exercises daily. He would refuse to take medications as prescribed. He only wanted junk food and treats. And he refused to shower or change clothes.

My mother nearly killed herself in providing care even with my support and help. It wasn't enough. I toured over a dozen facilities and found a well regarded MCF that gave dad a better quality of life than he had at home. Dad was all about taking care of his health, so we presented MC as a deluxe rehab facility to get him stronger on his feet. He cooperated with the HAs, PT, OT and DON in ways he wouldn't with my mother. Medication and hygiene compliance were better. And my mother was able to stand back and just be the doting wife who brought treats.